Christening

[Malkavian Riddler]

David used a word that Cain would never have considered about himself.

You think I'm ruthless?

The question remained unasked on his lips, because David continued speaking.  He was saying things that Cain had never heard before - about not wanting his ego stroked, because every vampire he'd ever met or responded to had accepted it - but he understood the reason behind the request.  Yes, Cain was good at dealing with vampire egos, it was second nature to him now, thanks to his well-practised and respectful behaviour.  Nobody had asked him not to respond favourably to them though.  Cain wasn't sure he even knew how.

David's final accusation, ironically, had Cain shaking his head lightly, negating it.

"I've had enough of shallow," he said quietly, but he knew that David was speaking about things that went a lot deeper than what Cain could pick up on the surface.  It sounded like there was a history, a plan that he had in mind, and his heart raced beyond the small pattering it had already earned itself.  Was David talking about something more permanent?  He was talking about depth, and Cain was pretty sure a pet relationship wasn't deep the way David was talking about it.  What, then?  Not siring?  Cain had already told him he wasn't interested in that, but did the blonde remember?  If he said something about not wanting to be sired now, and the vampire wasn't thinking about it, then he'd look mighty foolish, and ruin this amazing intensity that was growing between them.  Being confused wasn't so great, though.  He had to clarify.  "I don't really get what you want from me.  I'm not interesting enough for a lot of guys because I'm not, you know, deep and conflicted and full of troubles.  I got problems, like anybody else, but I don't... brood.  I just, kinda go with the flow.  I don't think that's ruthless," he said, thinking about the way he'd begged Kerr for a spot and received it.  It had been kind of pathetic, he thought, which was a long way from the word David was using.

[Existentially Odd]

"Why'd you use every connection you had to get into the Oligarchy, to become one of their donors?" David queried, his tone light but his words swift.  Maybe he was wrong about Cain, seeing what he wanted to see... but maybe the mortal had just never had cause to turn around and examine himself, either.  Self-confessed shallow types surely wouldn't.  "Why didn't you just accept that you missed the cutoff and move on?"

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain frowned at David.  His hand had stilled upon his chest for a long while now, as the conversation had changed to something very deep and real.  He was aware of their closeness, of the burning gaze David was giving him - regardless of his light tone.  He frowned and had to think about the question.  The vampire had guessed correctly; Cain had never bothered self-analysing, and now that he had to, it was a longer process than usual.

"Uh... it was just an opportunity I took," he said, not realising the word 'opportunist' could be applied here.  "Kerr happened to show up and I knew he liked the look of me.  I hoped he'd pull some strings based on that and he did.  It wasn't anything I made him do," he said, giving a forced light laugh because he didn't know why David was insisting on his being ruthless or manipulative.  "I'm not a head games kind of guy, if that's what you want," he said, feeling a little sad now that he couldn't supply what David was after.  Someone wittier than him, darker, braver... more ruthless.

[Existentially Odd]

David frowned mildly.  "No, it's not that I want to spend my time with someone who plays mind games, I definitely don't need that shit in my life," he dismissed hastily, "I don't see you like that, either.  You're not intellectually ruthless, I think you're a level above that.  It's instinctive with you.  I know it's something you're attributing to a vampire... but we were all mortal first and I think that what sets us apart is that, as mortals, we perfected the desire to survive.  Once we're immortal, we wear it on our sleeve," he said with a wry twist to his lips.

His tongue rested in the corner of his mouth as he gazed at Cain, ready to take a leap and throw some more assessment the mortal's way; maybe he was still seeing what he wanted to see, but he was pretty convinced otherwise. He just had to convince Cain of it.

"You've got a survival instinct just as strong as any vampire's, except it's such a honed thing with you, you don't even know you're using it.  When you were faced with an obstruction, though, you tried everything in your power to get what you wanted - like any fighter would - and it worked for you.  Had you been rejected, I'm sure you would've had another clever plan to suvive because that's what I see in you, what I admire in you; you're strong and fearless and I like that you'll fight for what you want, without stopping to think too hard on it."

He waited tensely for Cain's reply, instinctively skimming his mind for surface thoughts to see if he could help.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain pulled a face but it was a good-natured one.

"Because I didn't want to be homeless?  There's lots of people who fight every day to survive.  I'm not anything special," he insisted.

[Existentially Odd]

David's eyes narrowed and his full lips pouted forward in a thoughtful manner.  So Cain didn't think he was anything special, even while being told by someone of a species he respected that he was... interesting.  The urge the mortal had to defer compliments baffled David, though he swiftly reminded himself that he was the one with the ego, not Cain.  Still, he'd accepted physical compliments readily, had been excited by being told he was handsome, sexy, good at doing sexual things, yet he couldn't handle having his personality lauded.  How intriguing.

There was an uncomfortable similarity here between he and Bill, too and David could see evidence of his own psyche at play.  He'd had it easy for a long time, playing around and spending his nights with superficial people until his sire had had enough of the rubbish and sent him away.  The absence had not only made his heart grow fonder, but his head clearer, because it'd taken him a few years but he'd eventually recognised what his life was missing: substance.  As superficial as he'd learned to be, trading on his looks, his sire had seen beyond it (he supposed) and only given up when twenty years hadn't yielded any significant change.

Now, here he was experiencing some epiphanies that had him re-assessing and wanting more, yet the two people he'd first begun looking at for this substance both shared significant traits with him and with each other - so what did that tell him?  He was looking for himself again?  Bill and he had a similar upbringing; he and Cain were both realists, able to take the steps necessary to survive and both of them were humble and extremely deferential towards vampires.  Bill had been thus through fear, initially, but the joy David had felt when they'd begun to experience a true friendship had been testament to how much he'd not wanted that to stay the same and he was very glad it had changed; it had been the platform to equality he'd wanted to propel them both into a relationship from, but alas, it was not going to be that easy.

Then there was Cain; similarly deferential yet with a backbone he wanted to deny because he didn't see himself as special.  Maybe he wasn't, but David was trusting his instincts a great deal and he thought there were important reasons he was attracted to Cain.  Perhaps the best he'd be able to do would be to get the mortal to agree to further introspection but he also thought that might be enough.  "What do you think of me, then?" David asked airily, his expression still intent upon Cain's face.  His grip on the mortal loosened once more and he slid his hand from his hip to the small of his back, pulling their faces a little closer so Cain couldn't mistake the seriousness with which he asked this question; he wanted a brutally honest answer, not hollow compliments.  "What sort of person do you think I am?"

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain had no idea of the evaluation David was putting him through, along with himself and another mortal in his life.  Cain figured there would always be other mortals in David's life; to sustain him, to please him, to do whatever he wanted, but that it didn't have to impact on whatever he had aligned with the vampire.  He didn't think on it, merely accepted it as a given.

David's next questions were easier ones.  Even though the vampire hadn't asked him to stroke his ego, the only things Cain could identify with him were positive things.  Paying compliments were easy when he believed they were fact.

"Smart," he said immediately.  "Wise, I guess, but that's a condition of being older.  You've seen a lot, right?"  he grinned, and his hand started to caress David's chest and moved to his waist, his palm sliding across smooth skin to his back, that was quite warm now thanks to the fire behind him.  "Philosophical," he said after a moment, before adding: "Motivated.  Spontaneous."  He smiled.  "Fun," he added with a growing grin.  "Inquisitive.  Kind," he said this last, and whether David made a protest or not, he explained himself.  "You properly talked to me, at the bar where we met.  You gave me your number.  Both of those things didn't have to happen, but I'm glad they did."

He also believed David when he called himself selfish, greedy and ruthless.  He believed that David was doing his best to change that.  He hadn't seen those things in the short time he'd been with the vampire, but he didn't doubt the idea that David knew David best.  He was certainly cerebral, in Cain's book.

[Existentially Odd]

David shrugged even as he luxuriated in Cain's rough hands sliding across his skin, his eyelids drooping at the truly divine sensation of the small of his back being touched; it always sent shivers through him and it made it very difficult to keep his mind on the discussion.  He took a moment and cleared his throat to do his best at continuing - though his own hand was wandering now, too, moving under Cain's shirt up to his shoulders and then following his spine down to rest upon his ass, his body pressing against the mortal's more deliberately.

"I only listened to you because I was interested in the information you could give me, as an Oligarchy insider.  I gave you my number because you were great in bed and I thought I'd like to fuck you again.  But now I'm telling you that I like that there's more to you, that I respect the person you are and I think you're pretty special because you're independent and insightful and I'd like to do more than just fuck you, that I like spending time with you, and you're telling me you're nothing special and that I shouldn't bother!" the vampire declared indignantly, doing his best to hold eye contact and not kiss Cain.  It was getting very difficult to stay focussed.

[Malkavian Riddler]

When David explained the raw reality of their first union, Cain was disappointed.  He wasn't surprised, he'd sort of figured that might be the case, but thinking it and getting it told to him were two separate things.  He felt shocked and hurt and stupid suddenly, because after their night together and being offered David's number, he'd had a number of fantasies and daydreams.  Being told so bluntly cooled his arousal a great deal, like a splash of cold water.  His hand stopped moving on David's body, and he broke eye contact.

The compliments that followed served to pick him up a little, because being told he was special was really great for Cain, and it pulled his gaze back to the leonine blonde, though his smile didn't return with it.

"No, that wasn't what I meant," Cain said.  "I just wanted to get across that... uh, being mortal is..." he made an expression fuelled by frustration.  "I don't know how to phrase it.  I'm not very intellectual.  I don't mean to say I'm worthless, I'm not worthless.  It's just... there's billions of human beings on this planet, you know?  But it doesn't mean I'm..." the word worthless came to mind again, but he wanted to use a different one.  "A waste of time," he finished.

[Existentially Odd]

David frowned also, his cognitive processes assisted by the fact that Cain stopped touching him and he also sensed the mortal's disappointment.  It was ironic, really, because they were talking about reasons Cain shouldn't be disappointed but David had forced him to endure that, by being blunt.  That was typical of him, though, he frequently managed to say things the wrong way and hurt peoples' feelings when he was just being practical.

"Ahh, I see," David drawled, nodding slowly.  He withdrew his hand from Cain's ass and used it to support the mortal's chin, gently making sure they were looking at one another.  "You're a human among billions of humans so, in that, there's nothing special about you.  I don't see you that way, though, not anymore.  You're unique and special to me.  Tell me the three most interesting things about you that I absolutely should know if I want to be your... friend."

He couldn't help himself, the way he said his final word held a hint of it not being the word he might always use to describe his relationship with Cain and it came with a mischievous smile.  He wasn't even sure it was appropriate now, but it would do.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain wasn't the type to hold a single comment against David, and after his initial disappointment, he'd warmed up again. Their closeness helped, David's continued declaration that he thought Cain was special helped, as well as the gentle touch on his chin.  Their setting wasn't anything to scoff at either, though it was Cain's own doing.

The demand for his own self-examination made him laugh, though he didn't miss the poignant pause and stress on the word 'friend'.  It was enough to return him to his initial hope that something more involved might happen between him and David.  He knew the vampire was outright saying as much, but what was said and what might actually happen were two different things, and Cain had already learned this the hard way.  David's implication returned the smile to Cain's face and his fingers began to absently stroke David's back again, toying along his spine as he replied.

"You got that question out of a chick's magazine, right?" he asked, laughing a bit more before attending to David's question.  "Um, I'm honest, hardworking and pretty relaxed."  He'd held himself back from making an observation about his more physical qualities.

[Existentially Odd]

David thought it was interesting that Cain gave him three character assessments, rather than three preferences or three positive attributes; it told the vampire that Cain believed character to be the most important thing in his life and something he likely valued in others above all else too.  He didn't know David well enough to assess his character, so all of his previous summary words had regarded his attributes or his actions, which made perfect sense.  The fact that Cain didn't ask the same question of him was also telling.  Did he not want to know more or was that another subservient tendency that he should address?

He chuckled but then pressed his lips together as Cain continued to stroke his back.  He was playing with the proverbial, even though David did his best to keep his hands to himself and not succumb.  "Uh, it was a female asked it of me once, online, so perhaps," he shrugged in response to the question he'd got the idea from a chick's magazine.  He couldn't remember the last time he'd read a magazine.  "It's a pretty shit question, though, because it didn't give me anything much to go on, about you.  What do you like?  And don't say sex, large fires and quiet dates in personal places because I can figure that out for myself!" the blonde grinned.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain properly laughed, and his gaze grew heated by the time he stopped chuckling.  He mooched out his lips as his gaze dropped to David's, wanting to kiss him and stop this nonsense conversation.  It wasn't really nonsense, he knew, but it felt like a really rigid way of getting to know one another.  The best way was to just hang out, right?  Perhaps this was all they had available to them, because hanging out would likely lead to lots of sex and very little talking - unless they went out.  It would be awesome, going out on a proper date.  Cain couldn't remember the last time he'd gone out on a date.  Years ago, in any case.  He was pretty sure people didn't even go on dates any more, they just hung out in big groups (judging by what he saw at Risk) and some would peel off, either with another in their group or with an external hookup like a vampire.

"Um, motorcycles.  I really miss my bike, and I've been looking around to replacing it.  I'm not big on TV or books or anything, but I like movies.  I like my own company, but it's getting pretty stale now.   I like the idea of just being with one guy.  One vampire," he corrected, though he did recall he'd told this to David at the bar so it wasn't anything the blonde hadn't heard before.  "Umm, I dunno!  This is weird, I'm on the spot!" he complained good naturedly before he got very serious, very fast, his heart hammering as he decided quite spontaneously to blurt out what he really wanted.  "I like you.  I was kinda hoping that you'd been thinking about what I said about being a... regular donor.  Or more?"

He wanted to say 'pet', yet he didn't.  He didn't want to restrict his options, and had the peculiar feeling that if he said 'pet', then David would lose interest and he was terrified of that happening.

[Existentially Odd]

David's eyebrows just about lifted into his hairline as the irony of the situation hit him, thick and hard right between the eyes.  It was like the return of a bad dream, except this time he was on the other side of the asking, becoming the one responsible for someone else's hopes and wishes.  The way he'd felt last night, swallowing his disappointment, made him seriously consider his response with a poignancy borne of regret and even a little frustration.  Nothing would come easily to him, it seemed - though he'd had it easy for quite some time now, so perhaps this was what he deserved.  It was what he'd been hungering for, either way; for complications, for substance.  Why look a gift horse in the mouth?

He sat up slowly, pulling away from Cain both because he couldn't think clearly while he was being touched and also because he needed something to do that would give him time to compose a decent answer.  His expression smoothed into a thoughtful smile as he neatly crossed his legs tailor fashion and looked sincerely at Cain, his hands rubbing slowly up his thighs to rotate slowly around his knees as he cupped them; further evidence that he was thinking, not just figuring out how to shake the appeal off.

"I have been thinking about it, actually," he began seriously, looking into Cain's eyes.  "More and more lately, I've been thinking that I'm ready for it, that I might start looking for something serious, someone to spend more time with that would allow me a deeper connection than just sex and a feeding.  I guess... coming here tonight I was always going to be feeling you out in that sense and I'm glad that you'd be interested because I like you, too.  The thing is... I haven't been seeing just you," he hinted regretfully, certain that Cain didn't need to know the details about Bill but he did deserve the chance to question him on it.

Frankly, he didn't feel ready to make a clear choice here, especially since he could see benefits for both his mortal lovers, as well as drawbacks.  Despite that, he also wasn't going to deny himself both of them by holding out hope for one and getting neither.  He was his mother's son enough to believe in serendipity and that whatever would be was meant to be.  If Bill couldn't commit to him immediately and Cain could, well, he was obviously meant to be with Cain.  If Cain wanted to know exactly what he meant about not seeing others and decided he wasn't interested in being (sort of) two-timed, then that was meant to be, too.  He watched the mortal nervously, his fate in those warm, rough hands.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain was compliant, allowing himself to be pulled up into a sitting position and co-operating.  His heart was hammering so fast in his chest that it felt like it was going to gallop up his neck and out his mouth.  It kind of felt like it was already on its way, at the base of his throat.  There was a constriction there that he could feel, a pulsing beat that he imagined David would not only hear but see.  He swallowed and waited, watching David position himself, taking his time, and Cain didn't know what he was about to hear.  He couldn't visualise one way or the other - if he would be gently rejected or told that yes, this was the set-up David had envisioned for them and would that be okay?

The start of the speech was promising, but Cain kept his gaze fixed on the vampire before him, his expression unflinching until he heard something concrete either way.  He was sitting differently to David, because of the way he'd sat up.  His legs were off to one side, bent at the knees, the sole of one foot pressed against the knee of the other.  He was holding his ankles loosely in each hand, like he was expecting his feet to detach and was monitoring them for early signs of such.  His spine was very straight, which was partly due to the position he was in and partly because he was being so attentive.

He felt joy - real, absolute, uninhibited joy - when he was told that David was feeling him out for a deeper connection.  Of course it didn't mean he'd found it with Cain, but fucking hell he had a chance!  When David dropped what he thought was a bomb, Cain merely nodded, waiting for a bit to see if there was more before realising David wanted him to comment.

"Well, yeah, it's why I texted instead of called because I didn't want to interrupt you in the middle of sex," he said with a shrug, thinking it was no big deal.  There was a goofy smile he could feel growing on his face.  "So does that mean you want to see me on a regular basis?  You know, to see if I'm... what you want," he prompted, bypassing the 'good enough' comment, considering he'd been blasted for being overly humble about not being special.