Losing the Knack

[pinkroses]

((Reserved))

There was only the tiniest sliver of a moon tonight and that was barely visible in the sky due to the heavy layer of clouds which hung over the city. There was the threat of rain in the air, but Ichabod hadn’t been thinking about that when he had left the apartment and so he was wearing just a simple t-shirt with his jeans and a worn out pair of red converse. He hadn’t been planning on going out tonight, he hadn’t gone anywhere interesting or different for so long it felt like, so why change now? He didn’t want to go anywhere or see anyone. Not like Ben setting up his Academy, managing to get himself back into the world – to Ichabod it felt like Ben had managed it far too easily, it just wasn’t fair. A part of him wished that he could go to Ben, to ask to hear more about the Academy – the vague idea of it had sounded good but Ichabod had been hesitant about throwing money at someone he didn’t trust and now it was too late. Ben wanted nothing to do with him.

In an attempt to get back into some sort of routine and get his mind off to things which were plaguing him, Ichabod had decided he needed to get back into his training. But with no one to help him, to give him tips or even guidance of where to start he felt lost. It was like he’d taken three steps backwards and it was so frustrating. He didn’t have anyone to practise his mental abilities with other than picking on mortals and at the moment he wasn’t confident enough to be able to that despite doing it hundreds of times before. Telekinesis had been a loss as well – he’d been able to move buttons, pebbles, marbles, even small books in the past – but now… well now there was a dent in one of the walls of the apartment where a marble had become lodged into it when Ichabod had thrown it in a rage.

The young vampire was no sat on the grass of the park, holding his head in his hands as he scowled at a small rock on the ground, willing it to move, but nothing was happening other than wearing himself out. He could feel himself getting hungry and new he would have to stop and feed soon. But he didn’t want to give up without even making it wobble.

His head jerked upright as the sound of footsteps on the ground nearby interrupted his thoughts and Ichabod twisted his body, placing a hand on the ground behind him to steady himself as he looked to see who was nearby. Maybe he could stop, just for a minute. Maybe feeding would help him focus. It was definitely a human approaching, he could hear the pounding of their heart even from here.

Come closer, Ichabod ordered firmly, trying to keep the lack of confidence from his mental instruction . A little practise at his mental skills would be useful as well, although he didn’t know how effective he would be now, even with the simplest thing.

[Existentially Odd]

James Cooper was on his way home from a late afternoon study session in the Municipal Library that had gone a little long.  He was nineteen and still lived at home with his parents and younger brother - in a four bedroom apartment in The Templar - but he'd called to say he'd be late and he'd pick some food up on the way home so they weren't expecting him yet.  What he'd buy was exactly what he was thinking about when the urge to veer off the path he'd been following struck him and he headed across the grass instead.

He was still debating what would be healthy versus what he felt like getting right then when he suddenly found himself stopped in front of a guy sitting on the grass.  A very cute guy but one he didn't know.  James frowned, glancing around himself at a whole lot of empty space before looking down at the guy again.  "Uh, sorry," he said uncertainly, baffled as to how and why he'd come here and just stopped like an idiot.

Awkwardly, he hefted the backpack that was slung over his left shoulder and slid his right hand into the front pocket of his jeans, where his phone was.  He and the stranger weren't dressed too differently; James was wearing sneakers, jeans and a T-shirt but he had an untucked pale green button up shirt over the top of it (the bottom few buttons done up over his flat stomach) and a black pea coat over that (undone), because the air was still cold after the sun went down.  He stood six foot tall but the old-fashioned coat made him look taller because it fell to his thighs.

James was studying to be a lawyer and he was known for talking a lot and talking fast but, somehow, he was suddenly lost for words at that moment as he stared down at the handsome guy at his feet.

[pinkroses]

Well, obviously his mental abilities hadn’t completely disappeared, unless his target had by coincidence just fancied wandering this way. That didn’t seem likely though, especially judging by the look of confusion on the kid’s face. That uncertainty in his eyes was pretty cute and boosted Ichabod confidence, if only by a tiny amount. So he couldn’t move a marble or even a nickel. It would come back… eventually.

“No need to apologise,” Ichabod replied, unable to help his gaze from drifting over the human’s body in front of him and doing it quite obviously as it was difficult to hide from the position he was in. Realising he might look a little foolish sat in the middle of the grass like he was Ichabod suddenly moved to his feet, feeling ungraceful as he shoved himself upright but travelling fast enough that to the human it might not have looked as awkward as it felt to Ichabod. He titled his head to one side slightly as he eyed up the heavy looking rucksack, then returned his gaze to meet the teenager’s as he wiped any stray pieces of grass from his palms onto his jeans. Now he was standing Ichabod could tell he was a little shorter than the stranger, but not by much. A hint of a smile made Ichabod’s lips twitch slightly as he took in the figure before him, but it didn’t quite light up his face.

“You don’t have anywhere you need to be in a hurry, do you?” he asked, taking half a step forwards as he mentally willed the boy to say ‘no’. Although feeding wouldn’t take too long Ichabod always felt like he was disturbing people’s lives, he was intruding and stealing a few minutes which might make all the difference to someone’s day if they were already running late for something. Of course it was cheating slightly trying to get him to say ‘no’ when it might not be true, but Ichabod knew it would make him feel a little better about it at least.

[Existentially Odd]

"No, I was just going to get some food and go home, nothing pressing," James answered obligingly, still frowning because he seemed to be talking but what he was saying didn't seem to be being filtered through his brain first.  This was a most unusual occurrence for him, for he always carefully weighed what he was going to say in unusual circumstances, perpetually prepared for some form of litigation.  He was surprising himself now, though, because he was just talking to this guy and watching him get a little closer.

Danger was always a possibility when travelling anywhere at night and through a park?  Well, that was just asking for trouble if you weren't careful but James didn't feel threatened, for some reason.  Perhaps it was because the guy was shorter than him, though he didn't look scrawny by any means.  In fact, his T-shirt was pulled quite nicely across his chest and his physique was only slightly less developed than James' (though if this guy did as many sessions a week at the gym as he did, James believed he'd bulk up and match him in no time).  Maybe it was just because he was cute and dressed so minimally that James didn't think he could possibly be a danger.

Whatever it was, he stood there placidly, looking the guy over and thinking that maybe he was about to have some sort of fantasy interlude with a hot guy in a park.  It was the stuff all the good porn he watched was made of.  Perhaps it could really happen to him!

[pinkroses]

“Good, I was hoping you’d say that,” Ichabod replied with a smile which was meant to be reassuring but he couldn’t quite put his all into it. This stranger was cute, well-built and if he’d been thinking more along those lines the kind of attractive that would have made Ichabod start to stammer and lose what he wanted to say. But despite trying to find someone to distract him from Kerr being with Ben several times, it really had been a long time since anyone had made Ichabod feel like that. No one had been a good enough replacement for who he’d really wanted and since Kerr had gone Ichabod hadn’t even thought about looking anymore.

No, as handsome as this guy was, Ichabod wasn’t focusing on that. Of course, he would have had to have been blind not to see it, but it just didn’t seem to matter other than Ichabod’s earlier appreciative glance when the human had almost stumbled over him. Ichabod was just hungry right now and his mentioning food only reminded Ichabod of that. Normally he kept plenty of blood in the apartment and other than when he woke up he was rarely this ravenous, and there was a fridgeful there at the moment, but he’d been putting so much effort in and getting nowhere tonight, it felt like he’d used up any reserves banging his head against a brick wall. He’d been trained well enough to keep his head when it got this bad though.

With a smooth movement Ichabod closed the distance between them, lifting his left hand to run along the human’s throat, brushing lightly over that thumping pulse, before coming to rest on back of his warm neck. Ichabod had brushed the collar of the teenager’s shirt and coat back out of the way as he caressed his skin, mentally sending calm feelings to his donor. Ichabod didn’t want him to struggle and get hurt, and thinking about that his hand moved slightly to touch the strap of the rucksack hoisted over the boy’s shoulder, slipping it off and lowering it carefully to the ground, willing him not to protest.

“You’re gonna be fine, it’s all fine,” Ichabod murmured before his lips found his human’s throat, repeating outloud the mantra he’d been trying to convince himself of for what felt like an age. Fine, it would all be fine. Fine was all he needed to get by. Ichabod forced himself to focus and savour the heat coming from the guy as his lips drifted over his skin and their bodied pressed together. His right hand found the boy’s hips and he felt him firmly in place, his grip tightening a little as he finally bit.

It wasn’t deep, but the rush of heat hitting his tongue was an instant pleasure. Ichabod made himself go out and drink from people occasionally but it had just been so much easier to sit at home and drink from bottles and cartons. That was nothing compared to this delicious thrill, which was the only pleasure Ichabod seemed to be able to find nowadays.

[Existentially Odd]

James smiled as the guy pressed in close to him, his heart kicking up a faster rhythm as his throat was kissed.  A funny thing happened after that, though, he felt a sharp sting and then everything was just warm and lovely.  He didn't reach out to touch, even though his mind was telling him something maybe a little sexy was coming and although there were tingles of arousal flickering through his body, it was subdued, like water beneath a pool cover.  The plastic was clear and it was easy to see the water but he couldn't quite connect with those feelings, he was just floating and in limbo, waiting for... something.  He didn't know what, but he sighed a frustrated, wanting sort of sigh and just stared off into the darkness, not nearly as alarmed about all this as he thought he probably should be... but he wasn't even sure why he thought that, either.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod all but ignored the sigh, focusing just on feeding and pleased that he didn’t need to deal with a writhing mess in his arms, pawing at him whilst he was trying to drink. He’d loved it when he had been human, that amazing warmth and arousal and feeding had usually lead to sex – but now when he just wanted to feed and a human was trying for more it just felt awkward to Ichabod.

So he kept his light hold on the boy’s mind going, sending that calmness as he drank, then left it there as he finished and bit his lip to heal his throat. Ichabod lapped gently at the healed skin, cleaning up any stray traces of blood before he released his mental hold on the teenager. He didn’t step back though. Ichabod stayed close to the boy, his cheek resting lightly against the boy’s and his hand still resting on the back of his neck.

He hadn’t drunk as much as he could have – just enough to see him through until he got home and had more. He wasn’t planning on training more tonight, it was too frustrating. He was satisfied for now as the sharp edge to his hunger was gone – but mentally there was none of the satisfaction and peace he’d used to feel. Ichabod felt the sharp prick of tears behind his eyes but squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds to get rid of them. It would get back to normal, everything would be fine.

“What’s your name?” he asked, lifting his head to look properly at the boy. He knew he should just leave, but it was the first question which popped into his head to distract him from that hollow feeling in his chest.

[Existentially Odd]

"James Cooper," he blinked, answering obediently with his full name before he thought about it.  He frowned then, suddenly realising how close they were standing, how he was being held like he was about to be kissed and a vague memory of his throat being... had it been kissed already?  It was so strange, his mind felt a little foggy but he could've sworn it had been, which freaked him out, yet he felt... relaxed.  Except for the fact that a gorgeous guy was about to kiss him, of course, but his heart was already skipping along and couldn't get much faster with this new shot of awareness.

"Who are you?  And what are you doing sitting in the middle of the park at this hour?" he queried bluntly, fighting the urge to fidget because if he reached down to pick up his backpack, he'd as likely headbutt the guy in the face.  How did his backpack get down on the ground anyway?  Nervously, his tongue snuck out to wet his lips but then he realised how that might look and he blushed as his gaze automatically fell to the cute guy's mouth.  His thoughts were connecting properly now, though most of them started with 'what the fuck' and ended with 'I must be crazy!' at this stage, so they were no great assistance in resolving the situation; he felt almost like he was free-falling despite standing squarely on the ground.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod gave a soft smile as James gave his name. James, it was nice, normal, safe. He looked to the side over his shoulder as James asked why he had been sat on the grass and gave a small shrug as his gaze turned back towards his companion just in time to catch James wetting his lips and the glance at his own lips. Realising he was still holding James close Ichabod took a half step backwards, letting his hands drop away from James’ body, instantly lamenting the loss of that heat.

“My name’s Ichabod… Conners,” he said, adding his surname as an afterthought as James had done so. It seemed rude not to, although with a name like his it was unlikely he’d need a surname to be identified to most people.

“I was struck by a case of cabin fever. I couldn’t think at home, I thought coming out here would help,” he explained vaguely without going into the details of exactly what he’d been thinking about. Telling a human he’d been trying to make rocks move with his mind would just make him look crazy since James didn’t seem to know about vampires – or if he did he didn’t seem to have related that to what had just happened. Of course, did it really matter if James thought he was crazy? Not really. He probably wouldn’t ever see him again.

“It didn’t help much,” Ichabod said quietly, dropping his gaze as he nudged the toe of his sneaker against a tuff of grass. “Do you ever feel like you’re just getting something and then suddenly it’s gone? Like you’re so close to getting it and then you have no idea again?” he added, lifting his black eyes to meet James’ with a frown and more feeling in his voice.

[Existentially Odd]

James began to feel more himself as Ichabod

Was that really his name?
His parents must not have liked him... or were complete fruitcakes...
Maybe it was a very long and tiring birth?

stepped back and gave him space to think.  "Um... yeah, I guess I do," he said carefully, frowning as he tried to process what this odd stranger was getting at.  "You mean... like with studying, right?  Have you got an assignment due?" he queried, his face suddenly brightening as he thought he understood his companion's lament.  In fact, the more he thought about it, the more sense it made; he got all cabin feverish whenever he was stuck in front of his computer for extended periods of time, especially doing research.  Ichabod looked about the same age as him, too.  "What are you studying?" he asked quickly, answering his own questions in his head and not waiting for any input.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod hesitated at James' question then gave a small nod. Studying, yes, but not the kind of thing James was obviously thinking about. It had been a while since Ichabod had looked at his books from university, but at least he had that so he wouldn't need to lie.

"English lit, with some history," Ichabod answered. And a little telekenises for good measure. No, there was no need to come across as a complete weirdo.

"What about you? That's quite a weight you're carrying around," he addded, nodding towards the backpack he'd slipped off of James' shoulder before drinking from him. There didn't seem much point in answering whether or not he had an assignment due unless James pressed the question. If he said no it would just sound like he was complaining for no reason and he would he lying if he said yes. Well, maybe not lying but he had no idea at the minute what he should he working on and didn't know when he would get back to it.

It felt like so long since he'd talked to someone normal about mundane things like studying. Despite how dull some people may have found the conversation topic Ichabod felt a small flutter of excitement in the pit of his stomach. Things could be normal, even if it didn't feel like it.

[Existentially Odd]

"Tell me about it," James laughed good-naturedly, his deep voice becoming a loud, rounded laugh pushing out into the darkness.  "I'm studying law.  The weight's mostly because of my laptop but... " he broke off as he frowned down at his feet, still trying to remember how his backpack got down there.  He hadn't dropped it, had he?  Things were still really unclear.  "I have some textbooks in there too.  I hope it's not broken, I'm not sure how I... did you...?" his frown turned towards Ichabod as he leaned down and picked up the backpack, sliding both arms through the straps this time and putting it properly on his back.  That way he would definitely not be putting it down without thinking about it.

"Um... I don't know how my bag got down there and I'm not even very sure what happened here because my brain's kind of... foggy but... something happened between us, didn't it?  You did something to me?  Kissed me?" he hazarded, his words awkward because he was very uncomfortable with admitting that he had nothing but a vague sensation about what had transpired after he'd walked up to Ichabod but then suddenly they were calmly talking about classes.  Was that not totally fucking weird?  His eyes widened in horror as an entirely different theory came to him as to why he might not know what had gone on.  "You didn't drug me, did you?!  Holy shit, I cannot be caught doing fucking drugs!"

Frantically, he began inspecting his arms, yanking on the sleeves of his pea coat and the shirt beneath but not getting them far beyond his wrists so he poked randomly at his forearms through his clothes instead.  He quickly abandoned that for pressing his fingertips to his neck - where he'd thought Ichabod had been kissing him but now was maddened by the notion that it had been some sort of drug being injected into him.  Ichabod didn't seem like a raving lunatic intent on terrorising innocent people when he was quite happy to stand there and have a conversation about university, but there was no other easy explanation as to why he couldn't quite remember what had gone on between he and the other man, why he'd felt so blissfully horny-but-happy and how his backpack had ended up at his feet on the dewy grass in the first place.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod watched James as the human began to stumble over his memories of what had just happened between them, the small smile which had been lingering as James told him he studied law disappearing as the stranger in front of him descended into panic. Damn, he hadn’t meant to worry the kid. Maybe he should have just left him after drinking, but the temptation of conversation with anyone had pulled him in.

“Hey, James, calm down,” Ichabod said quickly, stepping closer again and putting out a hand to cover James’ as the human felt at his throat. He didn’t want to tamper with his memory or feelings again, but he would if James didn’t come to his senses without it.

“No, I didn’t drug you. You just looked a bit out of it for a couple of minutes, I helped you put your bag down so you wouldn’t drop it. Nothing broke, you’re okay and I didn’t give you drugs or kiss you,” he added, keeping his gaze fixed on James’ eyes. It wasn’t quite a lie, not really. He was just skipping the bit about what he had done to James to make him feel like that. With James leaping to the conclusion of drugs it was apparent he didn’t know about vampires and Ichabod didn’t really be the one to tell him. He didn’t know what the rules about that were now with the districts, but better safe than sorry, right?

“Why would I have drugged you? Look, come on, maybe you should sit down. When did you last eat?” Ichabod asked, dropping his hand away to gesturing to a nearby bench which he’d ignored earlier in favour of the grass.

[Existentially Odd]

James was soothed by Ichabod's voice and also by his argument.  He'd never had weird feelings like the ones he was getting and he was positive that something had happened at his neck but he would concede that there was no reason to drug him.  Ichabod didn't know him from a bar of soap, why would he drug him?  Plus, he was quite right when he talked about James lacking food; he was supposed to be getting some now, in fact.  His belly felt like a gaping wound in his abdomen and he was beginning to not care what filled it.

"Well... uh... a couple of hours ago, I guess.  Um... maybe six or so?  I got lunch before I started studying but... yeah, it is time for dinner, I suppose," he conceded with a little laugh, grinning lopsidedly at Ichabod as he allowed himself to be directed towards the bench and sat down.  "Okay, you didn't drug me," he said wryly.  But you did something to me and it was really rather nice and relaxing, in a way that no meditation has ever been able to achieve.  "I'm not sure I believe you on the not kissing part, though," he chirped, squinting playfully at Ichabod.  "Something made my head spin and you're the most likely explanation."

It was a flirty little joke that he was surprised to be making, because he was terrible at such things usually - not that his words were stunningly smooth and gainly in this instance either, he supposed.  His heart rate picked up again as he found himself hoping for a response in kind, against his better judgment.

[pinkroses]

Ichabod couldn’t help feeling relieved as James accepted his explanation about the lack of food. He didn’t want to get into an argument about it, or have to force James into thinking differently. He used his powers when he had to, but it felt like cheating when he did, like he wasn’t skilled enough to talk his way out of things otherwise. Which, to be fair, he knew he wasn’t really. He’d never been good at talking under pressure, it just made him tongue tied or things came out which would be better off held inside. Like when he fought with Ben.

He sat beside James’, their thighs lightly brushing against one another as he angled himself towards the human slightly. He hadn’t planned on getting sucked into conversation tonight, but it was a nice surprise. Better than going home and just sitting alone, or listening to Ash bitch about his sire. It was refreshing.

He couldn’t help smiling as James insisted he’d kissed him, wishing he could come up with a better explanation. But then again, why bother? If James thought he had just plunged in and kissed a complete stranger out of no where… well, the way the fresh blood rushed to his cheeks at James’ flirting might give him a different idea. The confidence he’d had from knowing he had control of James’ feelings had disappeared now and Ichabod lowered his gaze bashfully, although the smile still playing on his lips would show James he was pleased with the compliment.

God, how long had it been since someone had flirted with him? Not because they wanted him to drink from them, or knowing nothing would come from it for whatever reason? His tongue suddenly felt far too big for his mouth and Ichabod cleared his throat nervously, trying to give himself an extra couple of seconds to respond. The feel of James’ heart pounding in anticipation of his reply did nothing to ease him nerves.

It’s not me making your head spin, it’s the lack of food.
I’ve not had that effect on anyone before.
I bit you.
Maybe if I kissed you, you would see the difference.

His dark eyes lifted at that final thought, lingering momentarily on James’ lips before returning to his eyes. He was attractive, definitely, and he’d tasted amazing. Would it hurt to see him again? Drink from him again? But he couldn’t get ahead of himself, he still hadn’t managed to come up with an answer.

“Maybe I should give it a go, see if you get the same reaction,” Ichabod said with a shy grin, not game enough to simply make a move on the kid and kiss him when he didn’t know if James would let him.