Stray Sheep

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain didn't know whether to be amused or offended at the suggestion how nice Vomas' building was would help decide him, though it did bring up the thought of interacting with the other donors.  None of them had liked him, and he'd been threatened quite viciously by a couple of them.  If he was in a position superior to their own and then had to socialise with them, he didn't foresee a good result.  His life had already been threatened once, did he really need to go back and find out if Toby really meant it?

"I wouldn't feel safe at the Towers, to be honest.  A couple of guys on the donor list frighten me."

He wasn't too macho to admit they'd stuck fear in him.  Living in a bad neighbourhood had been better than living in a plushie hotel.  It was the kind of people that surrounded you, really.  The folks where Cain used to live were just poor, and there were a few gangs around but he'd stayed out of their way.  They also feared getting caught because they didn't have connections.  Guys like Toby, with his family money and his yuppie friends and his seething hatred for Cain's favouritism by Kerr... he didn't trust him.

"I guess you could terminate their contracts, if you really wanted me.  I mean, that would prove to me that I'm really worth something to you, rather than how nice my room would be."

He was both proud of and aghast by the way he was talking to Vomas.  It was disrespectful, he thought, but it was also the truth.  If he was smarter with language he probably could've phrased himself a bit better, but there it was.  He hoped Vomas would value the truth over being manipulated into firing a couple of someones off his staff.

[Saccharin]

Vomas' eyebrows shot up as Cain made his proposal. He did appreciate the human's forthrightness (it was a very welcome change after having dealt with Samuel's exhausting passive aggressive tactics), but it didn't change the bind Cain was putting him in. The casino was far more popular with his kind than he'd ever dreamed, and all the donors he'd renewed contracts with when the Oligarchy dissolved were already being used back-to-back. They weren't so strapped yet that they'd had to deny a client a live source of blood, but losing two donors would put them in that exact position.

Not to mention that terminating a contract meant paying out a ridiculous sum of money, and then there would be the fallout of exchanging two who were well-liked among their peers for one who - as Cain had admitted to himself - was not.

It was a well-designed test, and he doubted he could have come up with better himself.

He shook his head in a resigned fashion, though amusement glimmered in his eyes. "Very well," he said, "but under one condition: You'll assist me with finding replacements."

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain was surprised by Vomas' quick agreement (if a pensive extended silence could be considered 'quick'), though he didn't miss the expressions that flitted across the vampire's face.  He wasn't so well versed with Vomas' personally to understand exactly what they were, but because the vampire's words had been positive, he thought in hindsight he could've interpreted at least one of them as wariness.

"I can come up with some names but I don't know that they'll meet your standard.  I mean, they won't be the kind of people that they're replacing.  Those types are out of my..."

league

...uh, reach."  He shrugged, just to drive the point home.

[Saccharin]

He waved a dismissive hand. "No matter. There's a place I've heard of filled with 'those types' that we could pay a visit to."

Plenty of ideal specimens were being hoarded in the VIP section at Venture, but he'd rather go into Dark Angel territory than ask the Sacramentum for a favor. Fear had pushed him into negotiations with the exclusive clan of vampires, but now that he'd secured his position as District Leader, he realized just how shortsighted his decision had been.

 The time he'd spent brushing shoulders with them at the grand opening had... well, it'd opened his eyes to the reality of his situation. In exchange for helping him, all he had to do was some scraping, a bit of groveling and a lot of rolling over and taking it like a good boy. It was exactly the sort of thing he'd escaped when his position as an Oligarch had ended, and he'd rushed back to it with open arms.

Vomas made himself stop his mental self-abuse and focus on Cain, careful that his expression only revealed the interest he had in the human. Only seconds had passed since he last spoke - as much practice as he'd gotten berating himself for his recent failures had made it a quick process, indeed. 

"Am I wrong to think that in discussing future plans with me, you intend to accept my offer?" he asked hopefully.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain was nodding out of polite interest, but as soon as he realised what he was being asked, he stopped nodding and blinked rapidly a few times while straightening in his seat.  Did he intend to accept Vomas' offer?

Since Vomas had been so direct with Cain, even after he'd been rude enough to make a demand of the vampire, he thought he may discuss his concerns openly.  Toby and his threats of violence were just half the problem.  He was also aware that if David was still interested in him and hadn't moved on with someone else, that there was a chance he would've left Vomas standing at the door.  A very slim, minute chance, but love gave strength in unexpected places.  Rejection made him more vulnerable, and he had to be careful not to rush ahead and sign up for something he'd only regret a few nights later, once he was locked in.

He had no idea he was shadowing Vomas' regretful thoughts, mirroring the vampire's hindsight with his own foresight of a similar situation.

"I don't know.  It feels like a step backward even though it's what I always wanted.  To be someone's... uh, personal donor," he said carefully, thinking Vomas might be offended by the word 'pet' so Cain thought it wiser just to mimic the same language.  "I'm in a different stage in life now, and I kind of have... uh..."

Nothing.  He had nothing.  He had no hobbies, nothing was really calling for his attention to become an interest, even his brand new motard had lost its shiny appeal.  He loved it, truly, because he'd never had nice things and now he was surrounded by them, but something was obviously missing.

"I'm lost.  I'm no longer a part of the vampire scene.  I don't miss it, but I haven't replaced it with anything.  I'm seriously thinking about your offer not because being someone's pet was an earlier goal of mine," he said, not realising he'd slipped into old language with his 'pet' comment, "but because you're implying there's more to it."

And if Vomas told him that there was more to it, that there was likely to be a lot more to it, and it might even be messy, Cain thought he would give a positive answer tonight.

[Saccharin]

Vomas frowned at Cain, shaking his head. "Not a pet. A pet is caged, only taken out on a leash. No, I don't want a pet. I want someone who..." 

shares my enjoyment of learning
savors finding out why
doesn't hesitate to ask questions
relishes the answer even if it means they're wrong
is honest about their desires and needs
I can teach to not embarrass me at public events
understands my devotion to the city
finds pleasure in my company, as well as their own

but he couldn't say all that, not without looking hopelessly desperate. As if offering to pay someone to spend time with him didn't accomplish that neatly enough.

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, then pushed the pads of the same fingers over his eyebrows and up into his hairline. His mask had slipped, and even if Cain didn't know him all that well yet, he would likely see that Vomas was frustrated. He stood abruptly and with the grace typical of his species, stalked over to a window that during the day, would offer nourishment to the potted plant on its sill. At first, he stared at it sightlessly as he struggled for words, and only as he settled on a few key points did the plant's vines and small heart shaped leaves swim into focus.   

"I originally came here to offer you your old job, but that was it," he admitted. "We needed donors and I thought I might be able to convince you to rejoin the ranks. I never would've considered kicking two people from my roster to satisfy you. I might've compelled you to join and kept them on. I don't know. I never found out, because you were different than I remembered. You're not part of the vampire scene anymore, I suppose it's funny that it's the reason I want you now."

He faced Cain then, the small smile that had formed already waning as he moved back to more serious things.

"I wasn't able to dismiss you as I had before. So I saw a young man who promises to grow into something magnificent, given the chance. I can give you that chance, if you let me." Vomas held up a finger in warning. "But don't think it means it wouldn't be of mutual benefit. I happen to enjoy teaching capable students, and as I mentioned before, I am in need of companionship."

[Malkavian Riddler]

If Cain had a better vocabulary, he would've had a particular thought at a particular time as Vomas conversed with him.  When Cain was told that he couldn't be dismissed because he was no longer part of the vampire scene, and therefore more worthy, he would've thought 'and therein lies the problem'.  He would've been amused at the irony, that his value to a vampire had raised as soon as he was no longer available to said vampire.  Instead, he thought 'typical', and instead of pondering the irony he was frustrated with the catch-22 instead.

He seemed to be shadowing Vomas' emotions a great deal, unconsciously.

He waited for a moment, to see if Vomas was going to add anything else.  When it became apparent that the stormy faced vampire wasn't going to say anything else, Cain replied.

"Nobody stops growing, or changing," he said softly.  "I mean, you make it sound like you're all done and finished and that I'm the only one who needs teaching.  Refining, I guess, and I do need refining.  It'd be nice to know which fork to use at the dinner table and that.  Um, not that we'd have dinner, but you know."

What the hell was he talking about?

"But you said I could help you, and I guess you mean more than just someone to run around in the daytime for you.  Unless you need a mouthpiece, and I'm not very good at memorising stuff to recite.  I wouldn't be good as a companion that way.  But, you talk about promise, and I'd like to make something of myself, and I think I can help you learn about, you know... empathy.  For humans.  If you want."

Geez, that could've sounded a lot smoother.

"I always feel worthless, when I'm around you."

He wished he'd stopped talking before embellishing his bizarre speech with that particular cherry on top.

"That's me, not you, right?"

For fuck's sake, shut the fuck up!  He pressed his lips together so tightly that there was only a slash for his mouth.

[Saccharin]

Help him learn about empathy? He made a scoffing noise, and prepared to give an example of a time he'd empathized with another, but he couldn't. He could recognize emotions in others, but he'd always struggled identifying why they might be a valid thing for someone to experience.

Okay, so he wasn't emphatic, but why should he be? And why would he want to empathize with humans, who were far more volatile than longer lived species? It would be exhausting to keep up with their ever changing feelings. Pah. Empathy. Sounded like a weakness, when it came down to it, not a strength that he lacked.

Because he was still tapped into Cain's mind, observing his thoughts as they flitted by, he perceived dark tendrils winding their way towards him. Rather than sidestep them as he normally would, Vomas gathered one of the threads into himself, tasting the fibers of it. He only half-heard Cain say he made him feel worthless, but he felt the emotion its entirety. And for a moment, he too felt like he was nothing, no good, of no use, insignificant.

Vomas frowned. "What do I do to make you feel worthless? I don't exactly go out of my way to."

[Malkavian Riddler]

He was relieved that Vomas took his words seriously, regardless of how shoddily they'd come out.

"No, I know," he agreed, because Vomas had never actively browbeaten or insulted him.  "But you have just told me you used to dismiss me.  I wasn't immune to it.  I mean, I could tell," he explained.  He thought this was a good step towards them working towards a potential partnership together.  If he couldn't communicate with Vomas now, there would just be more problems later, if he decided to accept the offer.

He was leaning towards it, he realised.  He wanted to be useful, he wanted to have something to do, and he wanted to be important to a vampire.  He missed that part of his old life--the bite, the indulgence.

The sex.

[Saccharin]

He looked tired, suddenly, and sighed. It hadn't been his intent, but he'd successfully made Cain feel like a ball of shit some beetle took upon itself to roll with it wherever it went. Since he specified teaching him empathy towards humans, it made him wonder if it was why all the donors and other crew at the hotel gave him a wide berth. He'd chalked it up to intimidation, but perhaps it was more (less?) than that.

Vomas returned to the couch and sank into it. "I see," he said quietly. "Empathy, then. I've spent a very long time pointedly avoiding feeling what others do, and you want to teach me?" He raised an inquiring eyebrow at Cain. Are you sure you're up to that? it asked.

[Malkavian Riddler]

"I dunno," Cain said, feeling like he'd gone about this all wrong.  He was also stunned by how much weight Vomas was putting into his words.  Cain was speaking in a way he never used to before, in a way that David had given him courage to.  It ran deeper though, it was the standard he'd set for himself now.  He wondered if he would still achieve the same level of self-respect if David had remained with him, or if he'd agreed to keep Cain on the side like he'd been offered.

It was hurtful, to be rejected so completely, but it was also better this way, because it meant Cain could move on.

But... with Vomas?

"There's not much I know," Cain said.  It wasn't self-depracating, or even an apology... he knew that everything he had an understanding of was of little value to Vomas.  The best he could offer was his amenable manner, and mostly the way he interacted with vampires.

Vampires, not other people.  Vampires seemed to have a thing for him, but it was almost always shallow.  It would be nice to mean more.

"So what kind of sex are you into?  I mean, I'm not into pain or anything but I'm pretty open about stuff."

[Saccharin]

Vomas stared at Cain unblinkingly, though mentally he was reeling at the sudden change of subject. He supposed it was a legitimate question to ask, given that he'd suggested it'd be part of their arrangement, but it was difficult to maintain a sense of decorum when the topic of intimacy was broached so... crassly.

"I don't know, exactly. It's not something I've taken the time to compile a list of." There was a hint of a smile playing at his lips when he added, "Perhaps you can assist me with that, too?"   

He thought he'd recovered smoothly, but anticipated Cain was more than capable of challenging him again.

[Malkavian Riddler]

He knew he'd been fielded, and successfully too.  It was both inspiring and frustrating, that Vomas could side-step so neatly.  Cain wished he could present in a better way, but he also enjoyed being direct.  It was easier than wordplay, which could get tiring.  If Vomas wanted a verbal sparring partner, then Cain was entirely the wrong person for the job.

"Why not tell me?  You can't be embarrassed, you've been around a lot longer than I have, and you want me in your bed, so why not talk about it?  Do you like being mysterious?"

[Saccharin]

"No, I don't like being mysterious," he ground out. "And just because I've been around a long time doesn't mean I enjoy talking about sex so frankly. I enjoy hints, flirtations, teasing. Do you like being obvious?"

He settled into a deep scowl. He'd wanted someone forthright, and it appeared he'd been successful in that, at least.

[Malkavian Riddler]

Cain met Vomas' gaze for a long moment as he considered the question before dropping his gaze.  When next he spoke, it was to the floor.

"I like knowing my place."

He wasn't sure if it was something he should be proud of or ashamed to admit.  When Vomas didn't immediately say anything, he continued with barely a pause.

"It's easier and safer, for someone like me in your world.  I don't mince words, I guess, because I'm not very good with them.  I never finished school and I lost my apprenticeship, which is why I came to be a donor.  Keep myself alive.  If I wasn't so direct, I wouldn't be alive.  And I wouldn't be me."

He looked coyly at Vomas after admitting this, and added:  "I don't know that I can satisfy you, anyway.  I feel like I could do a good job, because I'm no quivering virgin, but I don't think I have the kind of skills or ... whatever it is that would work for you."