Harm's Family

[Existentially Odd]

Harm turned sharply to look at Trick, not liking the way he'd said 'take you home'. The last thing he wanted was to be separated from him tonight. He didn't understand why the pronoun hadn't been 'us' and a flighty feeling battered his chest quite suddenly.

"No," he said firmly, "keep going. They don't get to ruin our whole night. I'm sorry I'm... quiet. I'll get past it. Please," he begged, his hand going to Trick's leg and squeezing it beseechingly.

[Pocky]

"Are you sure?" Trick asked, glancing at Harm before driving past the road that would take them back onto the highway. He continued to heed the directions that were dictated by his phone. "You don't have to pretend to be fine. I don't want you to hide behind a smile."

He rubbed his forehead near his temple before glancing over again. "Did I upset you?"

[Existentially Odd]

After Trick asked if Harm was sure, he glanced at him in time to catch Harm's nod. Harm chuckled breathily at Trick's encouragement that he didn't have to pretend to be fine. "I didn't think I was pretending anything," he said wryly, feeling like he'd been pretty obvious in his not-fine-ness. If he'd been trying to cover up his feelings, he'd been doing an awful job of it.

Trick's final question startled Harm completely. "Are you kidding?" he asked, his voice hitting a higher octave in his disbelief. He stared at Trick with wide eyes. "Of course not! Why would you think that?" he boggled, unable to figure out how his myriad of thoughts could've possibly made Trick think he was upset with him.

[Pocky]

At first Trick shook his head slightly when Harm insisted he wasn't pretending. "I know, but I didn't want you to go to this club just for me and to push through what you're feeling."

Harm's disbelief had Trick swiping at his hair again before his hand alighted on the steering wheel.

"I had a go at you about Joe and then you went quiet." He stared out the windshield again and gnawed on his lower lip.

[Existentially Odd]

Harm didn't say anything about Trick not wanting him to go to the club on his behalf because it was the only reason he was going. That was how relationships worked, though. Compromise. He could be somewhere loud and obnoxious for a while because Trick was there. Besides, maybe Trick was right and dancing would cheer him up.

The mention of Trick's comments sending him quiet almost did the same thing to him because it roused those same feelings and thoughts. He didn't know if he wanted to share them or not. What Trick thought of him mattered. He'd told Trick a lot about himself the night before but it had only been his romantic history. Talking about his family went much deeper and was far more complicated.

"Yeah," he sighed, "but not because you upset me. Just because I was thinking about what you said. I-" he broke off, feeling nervous. Oddly, the feel of Trick's thigh beneath his hand was a comfort. He rubbed it as he forced himself to continue, using Trick to self soothe.

"When I came out to my parents, I was sixteen. They weren't even surprised. Quentin was but we already didn't get on so it didn't really matter. It was just another barrier. My parents never really got me either, but they made an effort, my dad especially. He worked to connect with me, we played chess and stargazed together. Me going into nursing was a bigger betrayal than being gay. They'd pegged me for an engineer or an architect - and if it had to be medicine, why not a doctor? A nurse was... a waste of my talents. My father asked me why I'd want to clean up other peoples' messes for the rest of my life. That's all they think I do," he mused, giving a bitter laugh. "So I'm this alien creature they love and they support in some ways but I've disappointed them in others and they definitely don't understand me.

"Joe came when I was twelve and I loved him so much. Caring for him was what led me to nursing, I think. Joe loved me unconditionally - he's that way with everyone, really, he's just a big ball of love but he loved me best. He got me, we just fitted together. But he fits with them, too, he's like the bridge. You might be right about their approval for him being conditional but I'm the extra layer of complication he's got working against him. Because what if they think it's my influence that's made him like that? What if they hold muh-me against him and his relationship with them is ruined because of me as well? I don't want him to struggle with them, too, I want it to stay easy for hi-him," Harm admitted, his irrational fears getting the best of him and the tears returning with a vengeance.

"And now I'm going away and leaving him. And y-you said I'd be the only one who'd understand him. But I'm n-not going to be huh-here!" he sobbed before covering his face with his hands, heaving in gulps of air as he broke down completely. He tried to get himself under control and stop crying embarrassingly in front of Trick but the more he tried to suppress it, the worse it got. Imagining Joe in pain or suffering in any way was his greatest weakness and the last thing he wanted to do was be responsible for his suffering.

[Pocky]

Trick listened without interruption. Once Harm stuttered the first time, Trick glanced over. The second time had Trick looking for places to pull over. It took another minute and Harm's fears were spoken and his sobbing begun by the time Trick had the car parked.

He twisted around to face Harm and shouldered the back of the driver's seat. With sadness overtaking his features he plucked at the seam of his jeans and haphazardly watched Harm crying and averting his eyes.

[Existentially Odd]

Harm felt the car slowing and assumed Trick was pulling over so that he could better comfort him. He busied himself retrieving his tissue and blowing his nose while Trick parked. Oblivious to his awkward body language, Harm leant across the car and burrowed his face into the curve of Trick’s throat, wrapping his arms around his waist. The seatbelt was a hindrance, so he pulled away slightly to get rid of it then returned to nuzzling into Trick. He was already calmer but embarrassed. Keeping his face in close meant that he didn’t have to make eye contact, which seemed like a good thing at that moment.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, fretting over the impression he was leaving on Trick. Now he’d probably be considered an outrageous flirt and extra, even though he didn’t cry that often. “It’s not that I’m having second thoughts about going away - please don’t think that. It just... it really hit me tonight that I’m going to be out of his life for an indefinite amount of time and it’s kind of crucial too because he’s got a crush on this guy that he hasn’t had the courage to ask out and what if he does and it goes wrong and he’s crushed and I’m not here to help him?” Harm babbled but stopped himself forcefully, groaning into Trick.

“Now you know why I was quiet,” he said, his words muffled by the fabric of Trick’s shirt. “Too many thoughts and I didn’t want to cry at you. Fuck my life,” he groaned again but he felt better, having got some of it out. Whether Trick approved of his methods was a whole different thing, though.

[Pocky]

Trick licked his lips and reached up when Harm moved towards him, holding him as awkwardly as Harm hugged him in return. The centre console was a hindrance but nothing could be done about it. At least the car wasn't especially wide--a normal sedan.

"I understand," Trick said after a long moment of listening to Harm sniffling and pulling himself together.

[Existentially Odd]

Please keep right for the next two point three miles and then prepare to turn left, Trick's phone told them firmly, like it was annoyed that they'd stopped and needed to be reminded of their destination. It announced its directions with annoying regularity but they both ignored it.

Harm huffed a laugh at Trick's comment. He might understand but that didn't make him sound comfortable with the situation. Still, he'd hugged Harm as best he could and that little effort was enough to appease the blond. He pulled back enough to kiss Trick's jaw and then withdrew to his side of the car, dabbing at his eyes with his tissue so they didn't puff up any more than they already had.

"I'm sorry," he said before taking a deep breath and exhaling it cathartically. Trick had to be wondering what the fuck he'd got himself into. Day two and he'd met Harm's overbearing family, taken revenge on his brother for him and watched him cry all in the space of a couple of hours. It was a lot. Harm definitely wasn't going to offer him an out after that. He was pretty sure Trick would take it without hesitation, Europe or no.

"Thanks for... everything. Understanding," he attempted and then shook his head because there was so much more at work here that Harm had to be grateful for. "Everything," he amended, tucking his tissue away in his pocket again and lowering the sun visor to see if there was a mirror he could assess the damage to his eyes in.

The phone started up its spiel about what they should be doing and Harm impatiently overrode it in a loud, growly voice. "Oh my gods we better go before your phone has a heart attack!"

[Pocky]

Trick opened his mouth to say something and closed it again, casting a wary eye on Harm. The confined space of the car was full of noise in spite of the silence. The fan blew cold air on them, the engine revved higher than what was considered normal, and his phone repeated instructions every couple of minutes.

Harm's frustrated cry inspired Trick into action and had him indicating and checking for non-existent traffic. The car pulled back out on the street, its faded red blending in with the faded, washed out warehouses around them. It didn't look like a typical place for a nightclub.

"Stick close to me until we find out what kind of supe club this is," he said once he took the left at his phone's command. Their destination was coming up on the right, according to Siri.

People had parked on the street but Trick could see an empty parking lot up ahead. He drove past the warehouse that had folks loitering outside of it and entered the property with a dozen cars already there. The lot needed surfacing as they bounced and were jolted over holes and bumps where tarmac had dried out and washed away or sturdy weeds broke through the surface.

The large red 'End Destination' button was pressed, silencing Siri. Now there was no fan, no engine and no sniffles and the quiet persisted. Trick gave Harm an uneven smile and climbed out. He checked he had his phone tucked away in the appropriate pocket and locked the car once Harm was out.

"Smells funny," he said, and ran a hand through his hair before moving around the car and holding out his hand for Harm to take.

[Existentially Odd]

"Don't worry," Harm assured Trick when told to stick close to him, "you're going to have to peel me off you just to breathe,"  he muttered, peering out the windscreen curiously. He spied the warehouse as they passed it and looked at it until it hurt to crane his neck because he didn't have to pay attention to where they were driving.

He'd been too preoccupied to become nervous about entering a supe club he knew nothing about but that changed once they parked. He tucked twenty dollars and a credit card into his phone case and put it in his pocket, scrambling after Trick so he didn't get left behind. He took his hand and gave him a sideways look as he commented on the place smelling funny. He sniffed cautiously but whatever it was, he didn't think the scent was detectable to mortal olfactory senses.

Excitement blurred with anxiety as they headed towards the entrance.