The Departure

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr looked at Cain sharply, eyes narrowed with suspicion. He could only see the top of Cain's head, his expression obscured by his beautiful hair and the fact that he was snuggled upon Kerr's chest, looking over at the television they were both watching. That he was reclining on his back on the couch and Cain was nestled mostly atop him meant that their bodies were in very intimate contact right now but the Irishman was still pretty certain he'd felt Cain's hand brush his denim-covered cock.

Perhaps it was wishful thinking, though they both knew he wouldn't have to make any form of wish to get Cain moaning and writhing beneath him. Or touching his cock. All he'd have to do was ask. He was tempted to do it, too, which baffled him. Perhaps it was the anxiety resulting from Ben's wayward emotions making him want it; was Kerr craving a little comfort in a time of turmoil and uncertainty?

The way he'd left things with Ben the night before had been amicable, even loving. Sure, he'd been distraught that Ben had wrecked Ichabod's apartment but they'd come to a sort of... truce by the end of it (by the end of a solid round of fucking, anyway). Ben was upset and needed outlets to ease that pain. Kerr had agreed to back off and leave him to it. They'd both acknowledged that he cared and that Ben appreciated it (mostly) and Kerr had returned home to leave him to his cathartic devices, whatever form they might take.

As of tonight, he didn't know how Ben was feeling or what he was thinking but Kerr knew he hadn't strayed too far. It was only around midnight so perhaps his night hadn't fully begun but Kerr was nevertheless reassured by Ben's prox- His thoughts broke off as Cain's hand definitely brushed across his zipper on the way to squeezing his thigh. His thumb was digging tantalising little circles against Kerr's inner thigh, too. Did he know? Could he sense Kerr's resolve to keep his hands to himself wavering?

Kerr hadn't even been sure of it himself, though he had a strong suspicion it had something to do with seeing Cub's home completely trashed the night before and understanding that Ichabod had truly distanced himself once and for all. He was gone and not coming back any time soon and Ben was right. Why should he listen to his absent fledgeling demean his life choices if he was comfortable with them? Why bow to an absent judgement when a present choice was laying upon him, warm and willing to offer a far more convenient point of view?

Still, he'd been abstinent so long, devoting himself only to Ben that it felt weird to even consider indulging now. "Cain," he growled a warning, feeling his body stirring despite his admonition.

Cain felt it, too, and the fact that Kerr's warning wasn't accompanied by a hand plucking his off him and flicking him away - as it had so frequently over the past months - had him instantly salivating. "Mmm?" he asked lazily, nuzzling his cheek against Kerr's bare chest. He loved nights where Kerr had nowhere to go and no work to do. He barely bothered dressing and the mortal knew he'd only pulled on a pair of jeans and nothing more. He'd felt how bare he was beneath them.

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't become you," Kerr told him waspishly.

Cain bit back a smirk and turned his head so that his chin was resting on the round of Kerr's pectoral, staring up at him with mismatched blue eyes. When Kerr made eye contact with him, the smirk broke through and he decided it wasn't worth playing coy anyway. Neither of them were fooled and he'd got the most positive response he'd received in months. His hand moved and he cupped Kerr's bulge, feeling the monster beneath begin to stir instantly. "Okay, then," he agreed huskily.

Kerr frowned at him, conflicted. It felt nice but was he buoyed by rebellion, lust, revenge... betrayal? He couldn't be sure it wasn't all of them and he questioned his impure motives even as his body flooded with impure desire. Cain, sensing his indecision like a pup senses love in its owner, shifted so that he was laying flush atop him, their growing erections pressed tightly together behind their clothing, urged harder through friction. Kerr grunted at how good it felt when Cain ground down upon him, slow and liquid, his nubile body undulating far more eloquently than his mouth did.

"You... nnh... shouldn't," Kerr advised, staring at Cain's mouth through heavy lids. His hands moved to the mortal's muscular biceps to grasp him and lift him off... but he didn't get to the lifting him off part.

"Yeah?" Cain challenged, buoyed by success. "You seem to be enjoying it," he added, his tone awash with lust and triumph.

Kerr didn't say anything and he didn't stop him. In fact, his hands slid down and around the mortal's back to cup his ass and press him tighter. It was kind of innocent, no overt nudity, no kissing or fondling, just tantalising, delicious friction. He wasn't sure it would be enough to get him off... he wasn't sure he wanted to get off but the limbo in between the decision and the rubbing was a delightful place to spend an evening. It was strange that neither of them was game enough to progress it nor to stop it, they simply writhed against one another, licking their lips and staring into each other's eyes like lives depended on it.

Until, eventually, Kerr flinched and looked past Cain and out at the city's skyline, sensing something that had his hips stilling at last. "Ben's here?" he announced and then: "Well, on his way up," he amended, sounding more certain.

"Fuckit," Cain cursed, flopping onto Kerr in complete frustration. He was soooo fucking close to cumming, to getting what he wanted, to feeling whole again. He anticipated Ben would walk in and probably smell his arousal and send him away... but maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he'd join in and finally convince Kerr to include him and fuck him again. He rested his cheek on Kerr's chest and toyed with the hairs around his nipple as he waited for his fate to unfold, pretending like his body wasn't on fire and ready to spontaneously combust.

[Trillian]

Ben awoke in the bedroom of an apartment that felt both familiar and not. The scent of Kerr was still in the sheets and for a moment he'd gone back in time to that place where he'd been rescued from New York.

Thinking about that time usually made him angry or upset. Not this time. It was too far away, too surreal in his memory. He summoned the memory of the rape. Still nothing other than a kind of detached assessment. Thinking about the joke of a court case afterwards stirred up some emotion but it was a blessedly minor irritation and frustration. None of his rage had returned. Last night, having sex with Kerr and then laying in his arms... it had taken the urge to fight and destroy out of him.

And he wasn't a shell.

He ordered a baggie from the Capital kitchens using an old codeword that was still in affect. Some things never changed. The staffmember who ran it up gave a wide-eyed look at the destruction of the apartment behind him but was wise enough to say nothing. Ben had to drink it even though it was lukewarm from the elevator ride upstairs; he'd thrown the microwave across the room and it had landed halfway inside a wall and hung there still. It wouldn't be warming up anything ever again. The fact his baggie contained sheep's blood was more obvious since it wasn't hot but he didn't care even though he didn't usually request it.

Ben dressed and packed up his new clothes, consolidating the three shopping bags into one. He pulled the door closed behind himself, locking it on exit. He exited the Capital feeling a great deal lighter than when he'd gone in.

The city looked different again. He'd looked at it with hope once and then with disdain. Now it was just another city even though it was home. He felt... tired of it, somehow. Like it was a friend who wore the same old outfit that badly needed changing but refused to get out of their smelly clothes. Jake McCloud was the stink on this place and Ben had been intending to give him trouble but not anymore. The fight in him was gone but it also didn't feel like surrender. It felt like... letting go of the hot stone of vengeance he'd been intending on throwing Jake's way. Ben had been the only one burnt by it. Who'd said something along those lines? Was it the Dalai Lama? Perhaps. It sounded wise enough.

Without conscious thought he returned home. To his third home with Kerr. The first one had been the Capital. The second, Patterson Cove. Now the Luminary. He knew that the third home was truly his first but it was the movie memory one and he hadn't attached to it like the other two. Home was wherever Kerr was; he understood that now.

"Welcome, Mr Samson."

The voice cut into his thoughts and he nodded at the Luminary staffmember who'd greeted him as he moved through the lobby. A few more greetings later and he was at the elevator, though he'd detoured to Brannigans and got two cups of blood; one for himself and one for Kerr. They were still steaming when he arrived upstairs. Because of the scent from the cups, paper shopping bag hanging from his wrist, he wasn't entirely focussed on what was going on with Kerr and Cain. Because nothing went on with Kerr and Cain - he'd decided not to push Kerr in any particular direction. His sire could do what he wished, with whomever he wished, including choosing not to.

"Hey," he said softly, moving past the aquarium and casting a cursory glance its way. His stare then moved to Cain and a smile tugged his lips before it broadened upon his look upon Kerr. His love.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr made the decision long before Ben could, finally lifting Cain off him.

There was a moment of hope, where Kerr held him aloft, inspecting the sheen of perspiration on Cain's upper lip and in his hairline but it didn't come to anything. The vampire gave him a smile - it was pretty and kind of secretive but Cain couldn't work out what was meant by it - and then pulled him close enough to plant a firm but unromantic kiss on his lips before he sat them both up.

They parted with Cain huffing, rebelliously settling against Kerr's side as Ben walked in. His sulk eased the instant Ben smiled at him and it disappeared altogether when he saw the way Ben looked at Kerr. The way he should look at him. Everything, in that moment, felt right and seemed better. It had been a while since it had, the air around Ben miserable and oppressive after he lost the election. Understandably so but it had been hard to smile, impossible to know what to do or how to help. He smiled back, now.

Kerr was frowning at Ben, his lips curled in a confused kind of grin, like he wasn't sure he recognised who he was looking at. It was partly true. Ben seemed... calm and definitely not what Kerr expected, after his declaration that he wasn't done with getting his revenge on the traitorous city. Perhaps he'd been busy and was already done for the night, satisfied that he'd extracted another pound of flesh?

Belatedly, Kerr realised he was puzzling at Ben and hadn't stirred. He moved swiftly, rising to his feet and stepping close to help him by taking the cups of blood from him. They weren't anything Ben couldn't handle but it would free his hands to deal with the bag. "Hey yourself," he smirked, leaning down to deliver a peck to Ben's lips, careful to keep the blood upright. His fledgeling's smile was beautiful and he wondered if the hope he felt because of it was false; he was reading relaxation in the set of his shoulders and in his spine, though. Perhaps it was just contentment with the deeds he'd performed.

"I wasn't expecting you. I'm glad you're here," he stated simply, his gaze roving Ben's face and his smile twinkling in his brown eyes. Ben might've literally burnt bridges down or torn apart blocks of the city with his bare hands before he'd arrived but that wouldn't ever change the fact that Kerr was happy to see him. It'd just change his next reaction. It felt like he didn't have to worry about that right now, though. He glanced at the bag over Ben's arm and then looked him over, feeling underdressed and unkempt in his pair of old jeans. "You look good."

[Trillian]

Dressed casually in tan jeans and a navy polo with gold accents and his favourite sand-coloured sneakers on his feet, he looked much like he'd stepped off a runway, though what he'd done was purchased the outfit a mannequin wore in a shop window. He smelt fresh, having showered and gone through the usual motions early in the night, and didn't look hungry thanks to the earlier baggie of blood. The smell of the cups was getting to him.

"Thanks. I have another couple of sets of clothes in here, plus the ones I wore when I left," he said, setting the bag down by the coffee table. "I didn't expect me here either but it felt like... I thought I wasn't finished last night but I guess I am." His gaze shifted to Cain. "Did Kerr tell you I was on the warpath?" His stare flicked back to Kerr. "Doesn't matter. I woke up not in the mood anymore." He shrugged, feeling oddly whimsical.

[Existentially Odd]

Cain shook his head, observing silently. Kerr hadn't told him anything because he hadn't asked. He hadn't needed to. Ben had been a thunderous cloud and his eyes were pure lightning, ready to strike anything in his path. Cain had made sure he wasn't found in it, though he'd anticipated he'd get zapped sooner or later, that was just how Ben worked. Apparently not, this time?

Kerr raised an eyebrow as he held the cups of blood out towards Ben again, assuming they were both his. It wasn't that he expected selfishness of his love, he was just always thirstier than Kerr was and the cups weren't huge. "Just like that? Not in the mood?" Kerr queried, his tone filled with wonder, his smile growing.

[Trillian]

Ben took one and gestured that the other was for Kerr.

"Just like that," Ben said with a light nod. His broad smile let a chuckle pass it before he brought the cup to his lips. Over the lid his gaze flicked to Cain again. He no longer felt apologetic or disdainful towards the mortal, but that had passed earlier. That intimidation was still there a little; Cain's muscular, taller form would always make Ben feel self-conscious about his own body, which would never change. It didn't make him want to prove he was bigger and badder anymore though. What was happening? Could he have matured?

His own thoughts earned him another chuckle into his blood, causing the steam to waft up and the smell to have him take bigger, longer sips. Even when he wasn't thirsting he was thirsting. A smidge over a decade was a long way from a fledgling's ferver though, but he could barely remember it.

"You know, I don't properly remember our holiday in your heritage country," Ben said. "I'd like to go there, soon. To Ireland. I want to see it with my own eyes rather than with my movie memory. But I need to give Digital and the Dean some clear instructions first, and say farewell to some friends." He thought of Sam and whether he would even tell her exactly where he was headed. He trusted her but not her sire.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr had brought the blood to his lips, listening to Ben. The declaration that he wanted to visit Ireland stilled Kerr's hand mid-tip. After an extra blink, he continued with his action, finding it somewhat difficult to swallow when Ben mentioned farewelling friends. Whether it was accurate or not, Kerr pictured Ben farewelling Saraekiass. When he forced the thought out of his head, it was Harm he thought of next but Ben's new little friend was already in England and had been for a week. Sam Rede was a distant and belated consideration.

"How soon are you thinking?" he enquired as smoothly as he was able, lowering his cup, cradling it against his bare stomach and rolling it beneath his hand. The spread of its warmth was minimal but pleasant; almost as warm as his thoughts of travelling with Ben. Alone, with no Ichabod this time. He'd suggested getting away from the city, wanting Ben to turn his back on the city and allow himself to heal but he'd resisted, too angry to contemplate it. The turnabout was a relief and sent a thrill of anticipation through him. A second chance to share his roots with his beloved, away from stress and the pain of defeat? Yes. He didn't have to be told twice.

"Oooh." Cain breathed, his grin broad as Ben and Kerr talked about a holiday to Ireland. There was a possibility they wouldn't take him with them but he thought that was slim, fairly confident he'd be invited along (he didn't want to presume, though, hence his little exclamation of excitement, to let them know he was down with whatever, whenever). Kerr glanced at him when he made his noise of anticipation and Cain didn't like the look of consternation on the older vampire's face. Like he was a complication Kerr wasn't sure how to deal with. When he looked back at Ben wearing those furrowed brows, Cain felt even worse.

[Trillian]

Ben watched as Kerr's expression changed from joy to something more serious once Cain had made his sound of delight. Ben had avoided looking his way and studied how Kerr looked at Cain instead, seeing the same shift that their pet saw and curious about it. He supposed Kerr wanted to reconnect with him without anyone else in the way and to be honest, Ben hadn't even considered Cain's presence (though he wasn't feeling a particular way about it).

He waited for Kerr to say something else but nothing more came as they stared at one another. The question he'd asked before Cain had made his murmur of interest hung between them. "A week?" he offered. "Less than, perhaps. We'll make it Wednesday. I'll have time to organise things."

Belatedly he thought of Saraekiel, the dark angel not being the first on his mind considering his new shift with Kerr. He thought it would be sacrilegious to see him in person and say goodbye because it was likely to end in a romp. Whenever the two of them got together, sexy time was never far away. Ben's attraction to Saraekiel hadn't waned but his desire to see him had. After their get together at the Academy, they'd chatted about inane things that had wearied Ben's patience. He hadn't been in a good mood back then though either, so it was hard to know what had been flavoured with his discontent. He would send a message, then. Nothing so impersonal as a letter, though.

"Um," he pushed Saraekiel out of his mind and gave Cain a hard look. "Give us some time to reconnect, okay? Come back at, uh... two." He gave the mortal a wink before he turned a sideways smile at Kerr.

[Existentially Odd]

Cain didn't bother shuttering his expression of disappointment, wanting both of the vampires to know he wasn't pleased with being dismissed - not to the point of arguing against it, of course, but certainly to the point of pouting. He and Kerr had been getting to a place he definitely wanted to go before Ben came home and, as happy as he'd been to see a shift in Ben's attitude and know that he and Kerr were better, being sent away now was enough for him to favour petulance.

Being with these two was harder than he'd expected. He'd thought he'd signed up for being their stress relief and their fun time, not their afterthought or their inconvenience. Definitely not their crash test dummy, though those nights were past. He really was a pet, locked up in the apartment while his masters went out to play. He didn't want to be sent away and told to come back later. Even though his mouth was pooched out sadly, Cain's eyes were hard as he looked from Ben to Kerr, getting to his feet obediently.

Kerr grimaced, though Cain was too busy looking down to see it. He snagged the mortal around the waist, causing him to swerve into range of his lips. Despite himself, Cain cast a sideways grin at Kerr when he felt his lips on his cheek, trailing a hand down his front and walking away from the couple with a slight bounce returned to his step.

Turning back to face Ben, Kerr took a sip of his blood as he stepped closer, hooking a finger into the top of Ben's pants pocket in order to pull them closer together. "'Reconnecting', are we?" he murmured, lowering his cup to look at Ben mischievously. "Is that what we're calling it now?" he teased, tilting his head, playing innocent.

[Trillian]

Through his open smile the tip of Ben's tongue peeked out between his teeth.

"That's not what I meant," he said, not entirely displeased with Kerr's miscommunication - if that was even what this was. Perhaps it was deliberate. He took advantage of the moment and wrapped his arms around Kerr, one hand pressed firmly against Kerr's back while the other held the cup slightly away from Kerr's body. He tipped his face up to give and receive a kiss but pulled away before it had a chance to get heavy. "I want to talk about Cain, actually. The two of you looked cosy when I walked in."

He didn't mean anything by it, just a conversation starter for their pet in general, but he wanted to know Kerr's thoughts about him.

[Existentially Odd]

"Mmm," Kerr hummed noncommittally, finishing the rest of his blood in smooth swallows simply because he preferred having two hands free to touch Ben with. He tossed his empty cup towards the coffee table, instinctively using telekinesis to ensure it landed on its base and stuck there while his hands flattened on the small of Ben's back. His fingers pried their way beneath his clothes while he spoke, seeking skin to skin contact because it reassured him.

"It was nice," he decided, looking into Ben's eyes and grinning. He thought Ben had seen what was going on but felt the need to explain anyway. "Just a little grinding. It's been a while... and he's very persistent," Kerr chuckled, his expression mockingly ironic. "I dunno if it would've gone anywhere, that still seems a little much," he admitted with a wince, "but yeah, it was nice. How do you feel about me and him... ?" Kerr queried, still feeling a sour twist in his gut as he thought of Ben's pain and jealousy.

It didn't feel right to exploit those feelings, even if Ben wasn't likely to take it out on Cain again. Kerr didn't want to cause Ben pain. Was this going to be a conversation about letting Cain go? Kerr was willing to do it, for harmony in their home.

[Trillian]

Ben made a murmur of curiosity in his throat, finding out more about what had been happening between Cain and Kerr than he'd intended. He was pleased about it, that Kerr was loosening up on his restrictions. Ben hadn't realised the full extent of his own hand in that, blaming Ichabod's judgment in its entirety.

"I'm glad, actually. Before the loss, I was exploring new ground with him. Talking to him and putting another layer into my relationship with him," Ben said. "I'm interested in keeping that up but I don't want it to interfere with our reconnection. I don't think our individual or combined relationship with him will interfere with you and me but it does put a different spin on our trip and if you want it to be just us, we can do that, too." Ben thought to himself that being 'just them' was unlikely to be 'just them' throughout their entire adventure away from this city, but he didn't want to spoil this mood by saying so. They both knew Ben had developed a taste for willing donors.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr's tongue rolled inside his mouth, his stud tapping silently on flesh as he bit back guilt. He was to be a hypocrite, then, wishing Ben would stay away from a certain repulsive dark angel even though he indulged with Cain.

Ben wasn't lying, though. He was the better person out of the two of them, when it came to this. Somehow, Ben had worked past his anxiety about him and Cain being together; Kerr knew he never would get past Ben with that winged filth (hence the guilt).

"I'd feel bad leaving him behind," Kerr admitted thoughtfully, looking pained because he also wasn't sure if he wanted to travel with the mortal. It would be handy but Kerr would feel obligated to pay him attention, just as he had when he and his fledgelings had gone to Europe last.

[Trillian]

"I don't want to either," Ben agreed, turning away so he could set down his cup onto the coffee table, unable to perform mental tricks to keep it upright without a great deal of focus and potential failure anyway. He returned to Kerr's hold as soon as it was set upon the corner and tucked himself into Kerr's hold in a similar, though vertical, mimicry of how Cain had been pressed up against him earlier. "I'd like to go back to how we were at the start, when we first got him. I don't want to pressure you to indulge in him, but... I'm going to. That night after the votes were read out, when you and Cain both..." He laughed but it was forced. "I wanted to forget and it was glorious but now I just... miss it."

He turned his face away, pressing the side of his cheek against Kerr's chest. "I'm sorry."

Hadn't he just promised himself that he wouldn't push Kerr? Now look what he was saying. He felt like a sleaze and that shame radiated out of him.

[Existentially Odd]

The night Ben spoke of had really been him alongside Cain, not with him but Kerr couldn't help but be intrigued by the notion that Ben wanted to go back. Back to when things had been frenetic and lustful and erotic because Cain was new and had this way about him where he managed to make you feel like you were the most desirable being on the planet. Maybe it was his mismatched eyes, they lent him an intensity Kerr had found in very few people in all his years.

He could count them with just four fingers, in fact.

"Don't be sorry," Kerr whispered, toying with the hair at Ben's nape. "He'll like it. He'll be happy to have you back, to please you." He deliberately didn't speak of his own intentions because he wasn't sure what they were himself, yet. Maybe this had even started up again on election night but he'd only admitted it last night. Having fun with Ben was his goal but Cain understood him, too. It enhanced things and he wondered how it would be, now that Ben was addressing his jealousy of Cain. Better, probably, though it was hard to believe that was even possible.