Reconnection

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr didn't enjoy the jolt of fear he felt when Ben mentioned New York and Themba's name so he merely widened his eyes and nodded his agreement instead of making a comment. He could see parallels between his time in the manor and Ben's experience in New York but, ultimately, Ben had it worse. His tormentors were still alive.

"It's nothing I can't handle," he assured his love, shrugging one shoulder. "My ghosts are all dead now so... it would be interesting to see how it still affects me. Maybe it's closure I need, I don't know," he mused, a breath leaving his body in an exhalation of amusement. "I'm not compelled either to go or to avoid it, so my offer stands, if it interests you," he smiled.

[Trillian]

Ben gave Kerr a musing look. They both knew where Ben had been made and while it was an emotionless room the process had been one of gentleness and love. Kerr had the opposite.

"Yes, I want to see it. Only to share another thing with you, to connect with you just that bit more." After saying these words and figuring they would please Kerr, he grinned at him.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr grinned in return, the action reflexive because it was in his nature to mirror Ben. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he murmured, grabbing Ben's hand and pulling it to his mouth so he could nuzzle his knuckles with adoring lips. "And I don't just mean your face."

Ben's desire to share things or get close to Kerr had always been flattering but it felt especially poignant now, when Ben's attention had been so splintered by the campaign. Now was all about them. It went straight to Kerr's heart... and his ego.

"Speaking of closeness, do you want to do any training while we're away? Are you feeling balanced enough to try or will we wait 'til we're back?" Kerr wasn't sure if Ben had reached a state of equilibrium - or desire - firm enough to concentrate on such things yet. If he was ready for it, it was another way for them to grow closer and Kerr wanted to know so he could put some time towards it each night but he was fully aware that Ben mightn't be ready for the physical and mental strain.

Jake and the city had taken their figurative pound of flesh.

[Trillian]

"Oh, I definitely want to train while we're away because it will be... a while, I thought," he said. They'd not spoken about how long their 'holiday' would take, but Ben had been anticipating many months, maybe even years, or until he couldn't stand being away from his birthplace any longer. He'd only ever challenged his homesickness once before with New York, and he'd felt the drawing of home like a physical pang. Maybe he wouldn't be homesick if he wasn't alone. "But... later. Maybe in a couple of weeks?"

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr raised his eyebrows and lowered Ben's hand away from his mouth as he contemplated a while. His imagination gallivanted at the possibilities and the only limitation he could envision was Cain. Did he have family he'd want to keep in contact with? Kerr couldn't recall ever having a conversation with the mortal about family or friends... he thought there was no-one significant but couldn't recall specific information along those lines.

Should he remember or know more about that? He should definitely feel guilty that the object of his sexual affection and fascination didn't seem to rate as more than a mouth and a fine ass to stuff his cock in. If he'd had blood recently, he'd be flushed with shame right now.

"I love the idea of being away a while and I'm happy to delay training as long as you want. But... uh... do you know anything about Cain's ties to the city?" he queried sheepishly, his expression a mix of embarrassment and hopefulness. "There isn't anyone he'll miss if we're away an extended amount of time... right?"

[Trillian]

Ben could feel the expression on his face become a strange mixture of confusion, amusement and exasperation. What Kerr would be able to decipher from it was beyond Ben. Kerr's relationship with Cain was both full of emotion and physically shallow. Kerr and Ben had shared a lot about themselves to each other almost immediately upon meeting, wanting to learn as much as possible about each other. It was obvious that Kerr and Cain had not delved into those conversations, not even after he'd become theirs.

"He's like me. Like I was as a mortal," Ben amended. "Living alone after cutting ties from family. I only ever wanted to be a vampire. He only ever wanted to be a pet. Neither of us made or kept important connections because they would only limit us from achieving the lifestyle we wanted. I doubt he cares whether we ever go back to our home city." Ben's smile flitted at the corners of his lips. "I could always ask him but you know what he's going to say."

Cain would only want to be wherever they were.

[Existentially Odd]

Ben's expression only compounded Kerr's shame but he weathered the shifting emotions on his love's face with as much dignity as he could muster. He was relieved when told Cain had broken family connections... then he felt guilty about feeling relieved, too.

"He'll want to stay with us," Kerr nodded, a wry smile appearing. "I suppose we should let him know we've got no definite timeframe or destination in mind, just in case it makes a difference, but I believe you're right. He'll likely get bored if we stay here too long, though. There's not much to do," Kerr chuckled.

A larger city would give Cain more opportunities to interact with people if Ben and Kerr were too tame; they might even lose him to older, more tempting vampires if they ventured to a city with a council and network of vampiric followers in it. He wondered if Ben would want to introduce himself to some of them while he was here. Kerr wasn't sure he should even make the offer, considering most ruling supernaturals put Themba's attitude to shame. It was part of why he'd kept Ben away when they'd visited previously. The other part was Ben's youth.

Plus, Kerr only knew many of them because Sawyl had run afoul of most of them at one point or another and been hauled in front of them for a warning or punishment. Kerr himself was viewed with polite indulgence generally, having gained some sympathy amongst the elite ranks when they realised he had nothing to do with his family's lascivious proclivities and reckless behaviours. He was tolerated, not beloved, though his time as Luminary might have boosted his reputation.

Either way, he was nervous about his childe's acceptance; on principle, they might shun Ben simply because of his association with Kerr (and, by bloodline, Sawyl). He hoped not but he couldn't avoid the heavy thoughts that came to him as he contemplated it.

[Trillian]

Ben watched Kerr as his gaze withdrew to the middle distance while his thoughts roamed. Ben let them roam without interruption until Kerr's gaze sharpened. Since his sire hadn't given them any voice, he decided all of those thoughts had been about Cain.

"Don't sell him too short. If we ended up living here, he'd take it in stride. I'm more likely to grow bored before he does," Ben said through a half-smile. He gave Kerr's chest a light tap. "C'mon, let's get dressed and pay history a visit."

He shifted to roll away from Kerr and get dressed in whatever matched the weather plus hiking shoes.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr watched Ben speculatively when he declared he was more likely to get bored before Cain did. He doubted that, because even though Ben didn't fully connect with his first visit to Europe, Kerr hadn't forgotten. Oddly, Ben was in a similar headspace now to the one he'd been in all those years ago; open to experience, exploring his relationship with Kerr in the wake of significant change and fascinated with everything.

Ben would be eternally fascinated with learning and finding out as much about everything he didn't know as possible, boredom was unlikely, in Kerr's opinion. It was part of why Kerr was so uneasy about introducing him to any of the councils. His enchantment with them could become... consuming. This relaxed, healing air they had going on was far too precious to him to spoil it; it helped him make up his mind about mentioning anything to Ben about them after all.

With an exhalation of amusement, Kerr rolled after Ben and onto his feet beside the bed, taking a moment to get his bearings before he strode towards his clothes, slapping Ben's ass lightly on the way past. He dressed warmly because the weather would warrant that - not that he hoped they'd run into anyone - keeping it informal in jeans, boots and a thick woollen jumper. He slid his hand into Ben's as they left the bedroom and headed through the narrow corridor and downstairs.

"So... farm or manor first?" Kerr queried, wondering exactly which bit of history they'd focus on tonight. A meal of blood would help get the night started right, also, then they could get Cain and leave. A night of exploration suited Kerr, he didn't care which direction drew Ben first; the other would be explored the next night.

[Trillian]

Ben dressed fashionably warm, with a tan jacket to match his hiking boots, light grey cashmere scarf over a similar grey merino wool cable knit sweater and dark navy pants. His style and eye for clothing had developed in New York and never left him.

He put on the Claddagh ring; a piece of jewellery he hadn't worn since the fracture between Ichabod and himself. Because he'd been presented it on the same night that Ichabod had received his, it had felt like it wasn't just his and Kerr's... for Ichabod had one as well. He'd brought it with him on the holiday on a whim, throwing the box into his luggage with a light frown and hardly a second thought. Now, here in Ireland, he slipped it onto his finger with the heart pointing towards him, declaring to all that his heart belonged to someone already. It felt right.

"The place where you became a vampire," Ben said gently, turning and lifting his gaze to Kerr who was fully dressed now. "The room, if you can."

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr's admiration of Ben's outfit - so much sleeker and more professional than his own - ceased when his love accessorised with his ring. With Kerr's ring. It had been a while since he'd seen it on Ben's hand and, in the meantime, they'd talked about Kerr buying Ben other rings; one that would promise them to one another and one that would bind them as husbands.

He hadn't gone ahead with that, despite Ben's agreement in principle, because... oh, there were so many reasons. Saraekiel, Cain, separations and reunions, the election, the timing, the emotions... so much hadn't been right.

Seeing his ring on Ben's hand now caused such a surge of pride and possessiveness that Kerr was momentarily overwhelmed. He didn't expect such a small piece of jewellery to affect him so but the fact that Ben chose to wear it here and now was significant. It mattered to Kerr because the way he put it on mattered to Ben.

Maybe it was time to think of wedding rings after all, if the Claddagh ring could make him feel like this.

Kerr's gaze was heated as he approached Ben, grasping his hand and brushing his thumb across the ring before he lifted it and pressed his lips to Ben's knuckles. Ben's words registered but Kerr lowered his hand before he spoke, looking into Ben's silvery-blue eyes with a whole lot of emotions swirling within him that he couldn't suppress. Perhaps it was their imminent visit to the manor that had him so riled. Maybe it was the ring. Or simply Ben being here, being his, being pliant and loving. Loveable. It had been too long since Ben had been in a place where Kerr was allowed to love him as he wanted to.

"Alright," he agreed, his voice gravelly. The basement of the manor was still preserved and that was where he'd been made. Though parts of the rest of the grand home were crumbling, most of the ground floor and the underground was intact when last they'd visited and he felt like it would remain preserved. "Shall we take Cain or leave him here?" Ten minutes ago Kerr had had every intention of bringing their pet but then Ben had put his ring on and reignited an intimacy between them that would likely only intensify when they went to the manor. He didn't think he wanted his attention to be split by Cain but he asked his question so that Ben would collude with him in his selfishness.

It would give him permission to exclude their human if Ben agreed he should stay.

[Trillian]

Ben recognised the look on Kerr's face and what it meant. He’d guessed, hadn’t he? He’d known that it would affect Kerr positively. He was still struck by the intensity of Kerr's reaction and the emotions that thrummed along their bloodline. He identified the sensation of possessiveness and a portion of him recoiled from it. Was it because he'd only just mentioned New York? Or maybe he’d always felt this way but hadn’t known it until jealousy and control had presented itself to him up close and personal. Perhaps that was why he'd run away before.

Things were different now.

“Cain will have opportunities to come with us to places that aren't as intimate and important,” he said after collecting himself. “This is for you and me.”

Kerr was the opposite of Themba and those possessive feelings came from love and having being denied for a while. It wasn't about control and domination. Ben forgave the similarity. Kerr was and always would be his saviour. The one he would always be able to trust with his head, heart, body and soul.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr saw the trepidation that passed through Ben's eyes when he kissed the ring; he incorrectly assumed it stemmed from Ben's general discomfort with marriage. That he'd read Kerr's thoughts or his emotions and he wasn't ready. The thing was, neither of them were so Kerr mildly resented that shadow in Ben's gaze. The emotion was fleeting, however, and was soon replaced by melancholy. He wasn't about to fall to one knee and hem his love in with awkward declarations of undying love and a foreshadowed question - and if he did, he had no certainty in the answer he'd receive being an affirmative - and Ben should know that.

Did Ben really not know that? Did he not understand how devastated Kerr had been for him? His election loss hadn't affected only himself... no, he had to know that. They wouldn't be so tentative with each other if that wasn't a given. This vacation was too careful and saturated in a sense of discovery for there to be any confusion on that front. Ben's next words and his agreement to abandoning Cain only confirmed it. "I agree." Kerr smiled and lowered their hands, interlinking their fingers as he drew Ben out of the bedroom.

When they got downstairs, Cain was sitting in an armchair positioned so that he could see the television and the staircase. He was just delivering a spoonful of cereal into his mouth when they stepped off the last riser and onto the living area carpet. The spoon was quickly withdrawn and dropped with a clatter into the bowl Cain held beneath his chin. He chewed hastily to clear his mouth and be able to speak, his gaze shifting rapidly between his masters' joined hands, their warm outfits and their faces.

"Good evening, Cain," Kerr bade, his tone genial and his expression soft. He found the human's eager movements - leaning forward to deposit his bowl onto the coffee table before scrambling to his feet and stepping towards them - endearing and sexy. Cain moved with a grace that men of his size rarely had, his muscular body wrapped in tight blue jeans and a white hoodie that somehow made him look adorably cuddly and sinuously powerful at the same time. As it was with Ben, Kerr would never not find Cain sexy and his admiration was clear in his lopsided smile as he watched his pet approach.

Cain noticed Kerr noticing him and his heart rate picked up at the implication of that look. It had been a very long time indeed since Kerr had looked at him like that. It made him feel sexy and wanted and there was no better feeling. "Hey Kerr," he replied huskily, walking to the taller man first and wrapping his arms around his waist. Kerr hugged him with his free arm and leant down to kiss him on the lips. Cain had to fight the urge to deepen it. Disappointment flared as he pulled back, licking his lips to savour the taste he got.

"Evening, Ben," he added, leaving one arm around Kerr as he reached over and placed the other on Ben's hip to steady him while he kissed the blond's cheek - though he wouldn't refuse if he was offered lips. As he withdrew, he looked over Ben's smart outfit and gazed expectantly from silvery blue eyes to brown. "Are we going out?"

"Ben and I are," Kerr said gently, still smiling.

Cain's expression faltered into a frown as he got the implied message. "Oh," was all he managed.

Kerr lifted his arm and hugged him around the shoulders, kissing his forehead. "We'll be a few hours. Don't wait up for us if you're tired."

Cain opened his mouth to ask if he should wait for them in their bed but thought better of it and decided on another course. "Okay. I just might. I'm pretty tired. I toured all around the farm this afternoon."

"Did you now?" Kerr asked indulgently, his eyes alight with approval.

When Cain saw how happy his news made the Irishman, pride flared and his grin broadened. "It's beautiful here. I love your family home," Cain enthused, cuddling closer and tilting his face up in case more kisses came his way. Unfortunately, Kerr only beamed at him. "Where are you going?" he asked curiously.

"Not far. To visit a neighbouring property. We'll be faster if we go alone," Kerr explained.

"Ahhh," Cain breathed, understanding that their visit wasn't necessarily legal and his human ass would just slow them down if he went. It made him feel better about being excluded - though he enjoyed the fact that they were going out together anyway. If Ben and Kerr became close again, things might go back to normal for all three of them. Cain was tired of being sad and feeling lost and confused. Nothing felt right when his masters weren't right with each other. "Are you drinking before you go?"

Kerr opened his mouth to answer but closed it soon after, turning to look at Ben for his answer. Cain looked at him, too.

[Trillian]

As with Kerr, Ben also watched Cain approach, studying him thoughtfully and curious how he would handle the news of being left behind. The greeting took Ben by surprise for Kerr hadn't been affectionate with Cain for a while. When the mortal kissed Ben on the cheek, he stood unmoving as he was looked over and then Cain addressed Kerr again. A tiny smile flitted on his lips over Cain's single-minded devotion to Kerr before his expression became neutral again so he could better focus on all the different reactions Cain had.

Their pet had become a fascination to Ben once more; not so much wanting to dominate him and play a bastard role, but to bring out more of who Cain really was and present that side to Kerr. Cain brought out all manner of different sides in Ben and he'd seen a glimmer of a different side to Cain when they'd both mourned Kerr when he'd falsely died. That was when he'd learnt the most about the human. And even with all that understanding and dominance and roles they'd had with each other, Cain still intimidated him. He couldn't think of a reason why beyond Cain's muscular frame, but there were other muscular men that didn't intimidate Ben at all. It was a conundrum.

There was an uplift in the conversation between Kerr and Cain when it came to the farm and Ben correctly guessed that Cain's thinking shifted gears when the explanation was made. It brought back the tiny smile but it went away when the focus shifted to him and his thirst. Talking about it always brought it to the surface and his fangs started to throb. He was pretty sure it was his gums, remembering the pressure caused whenever he broke through skin to get to the well of blood just beneath it, pumping and gushing sweet, dark, sticky...

Ben blinked a few times to get himself out of the haze he was putting himself into. He could see Cain's knowing look but Ben shook his head.

"Tomorrow," he said firmly. The desire for blood had crept up to his consciousness but he could hold it at bay. He was still young though no longer a fledgeling. The crave was strong yet not all-consuming. "We should go," Ben said to Kerr, grateful that Cain was wearing clothes that covered a lot of his skin.

[Existentially Odd]

Cain shifted towards Ben, the mention of blood lighting his beautiful eyes in a manner Cain was compelled to respond to. He smirked when told Ben would drink the next night because the hungry way the young vampire looked implied he'd drink from the mortal. It had been too long. There were blood bags in the fridge, brought with them from the States, but Ben looked keen to pierce Cain, which he was very grateful for.

In fact, the notion sent a shiver of anticipation down his spine and caused a tingle in his pants. Maybe they were doing their own thing tonight but Cain definitely got the impression that he wouldn't be left to his own devices the next night. He couldn't wait. Suddenly, having this to think about and an empty house all to himself didn't seem like a punishment at all. It would be more like a playground.

Ben urged Kerr to get going and Cain knew that his time with them was up.

"Awesome," he murmured inanely, his mismatched blue eyes glinting happily at his masters. He pressed himself fully against them, wrapping his arms around their bodies and drawing them close in a tight hug. His hands roamed their backs in brief, soothing circles and the friction against his front felt nice, giving him plenty to think about once he was alone.

Kerr returned Cain's hug with a similar level of intensity before the mortal wisely stepped back and grinned at them. "Sleep well," Kerr ordered as his grip on Ben's hand shifted and he dragged him towards the front door.

"Feel free to wake me. If you come back and... y'know," Cain purred with a wink, drawing a snort of amusement from Kerr as he stepped out of the centrally-heated house and into a cold, clear night. He paused to allow Ben enough time to pull the door closed behind them before they set off down the dirt road that led from the house to the bitumen-covered one that passed the property.

He looked up as they went, inhaling loudly through his nostrils. "Gods I love the stars here. Nothing beats this sky," he mused, voice tinged with awe. "I want to get there and explore but I can't bring myself to do it and miss the show up there," he murmured, enraptured by the spray of lights twinkling far above their heads. It was a simple delight but a view Kerr had gazed upon innumerable times growing up. He couldn't shake the sensation of being watched by them, though it was a comforting gesture. Weird.

"Are you okay if we don't run?" he queried, certain Ben wanted to get there and spend their time exploring the manor ratther than on the journey getting there but unable to pull his gaze away. He turned to look at Ben, bathed in starlight and the glow of the moon, and fell just a little bit more in love with him. He looked like poetry and sonnets in motion; what Kerr felt in that moment was definitely what all the great authors channelled when they wrote their most epic of drafts. "I love you," he added, almost like he'd been asked his feelings.