Analytical Intimacy

[Existentially Odd]

Emboldened by Ben's response, Kerr cautiously lay back on the couch, pulling Ben with him. He didn't hold him too tightly and he moved slowly so that Ben could balk if he really wanted to - but he didn't think he did. Kerr's speed also made it easy for Ben to adjust his grip so that Kerr didn't lay on his hands as he positioned his head on the armrest.

Kerr uncrossed his legs and stretched the one beneath Ben out, lifting the one closest to the back of the couch so that his foot was flat on the cushions, his knee bent. He used that foot to lift his hips and help Ben lever into a comfortable position in the lee of his thighs, his hands coming to rest in the curve of Ben's lower back. He resisted the urge to slide them lower.

"I'm glad you talked with him. I didn't anticipate he'd cause trouble, he wants to please you too much. And he apparently loves you," Kerr said wryly, his surprise evident in his tone. As he thought of Cain's declaration, so too did he recall Ben's response and it saddened him. "Loving you isn't a setup for heartbreak. Loving you is the most important thing I'll ever do. You're not easy but you're worth it. Cain obviously sees that. And I... " he broke off, swallowing as emotion constricted his throat, making it difficult to speak.

"I was just stupid, thinking about anything except our love. It's all that matters. I took it for granted. I haven't had time apart from you in years and it blew me away how terrifying it was. Being in Hawaii without you was like I'd lost a part of me. It was as corny as the movies make it out to be. I was hollow and just... lost. I could feel Ichabod was closer but it didn't matter, I needed you. There was just a void without you connected to me. I won't voluntarily leave you again. I know now I can't cope apart from you and any pain I endure with you is still better than the hell that being away from you was."

The determination in Kerr's voice was unmissable.

[Trillian]

Ben worked with Kerr to get himself in position above him. He missed snuggling with Kerr and it was like a second coming home. He melted into his hold, his eyes falling closed once he was comfortable and his hands holding onto Kerr's body where they naturally fell. One upon his chest, the other buried at his side.

The declaration of love that Kerr made was both wonderful and claustrophobic. He analysed his emotions before he spoke again, identifying why he felt some of the things and only able to identify the feelings of others without the reasoning behind it. He fought his instincts to keep it to himself and shared.

"Those words, they're beautiful and, um, that kind of devotion makes me feel super loved." He hesitated, rearranging his original statement because very suddenly it had felt too harsh in his head. "I need you too. I love you and want you in a way that nobody else can match. When you left me, I wasn't afraid or... or lost. I did get that hollow feeling, that numb quality, but it didn't come from being alone. It came from being blindsided." It was the most honest, raw confession he could put into words.

[Existentially Odd]

Ben's initial words struck Kerr as defensive or placating, the terms 'devotion' and 'super loved' sounding awkward and distancing, telling Kerr that Ben was still cautious about surrendering to him. He'd walked out, though; he got it. There was no one way to feel about what he'd done so blindsided and cautious seemed about right. He was sorry for that... but enough apologising. Ben didn't want to hear his bleating forever.

Plus, Ben had vowed that Kerr didn't deserve to be privy to his private thoughts and feelings because of his reaction to Cain's treatment (inaccurate, but Ben's viewpoint). It made sense he wasn't feeling motivated to wax lyrical. His trust had been compromised - that was really what 'blindsided' meant. Ben had trusted him with his truth and Kerr had walked out. Whether Kerr agreed those were the details or not, Ben believed it and he wouldn't forget that in a hurry. Frankly, what he was giving Kerr in terms of a profession of love was miraculous, considering.

"Fair enough," Kerr murmured, a complex feeling of gratitude and pleasure travelling through their blood bond. "Thank you for sharing with me. I'm grateful you took me back," he breathed with a little laugh, rubbing his cheek against Ben's hair and running his hands over his back just to cement for himself that Ben was there.

He was content to hold him and settle inside their separate confessions, letting these new truths seep into the complex tapestry that was their relationship and continue the weaving of their story. Of course, being that close to Ben, his body had other ideas about what they should be doing but he wouldn't draw attention to it if Ben didn't.

[Trillian]

"I was never going to not take you back," Ben admitted, but he didn't like the double negative quality of his statement. "I'll always take you back."

It was a huge statement, a very large declaration of eternal love and forgiveness with a no-matter-what kind of quality to it. Ben could feel it too, the strength of their connection. It felt right that they would always be together in some way, even should they separate. He wasn't so much an idealist or romantic to believe they would spend eternity living with one another as they did now, but he couldn't imagine not ever being receptive to Kerr's return to him, or that Kerr would ever shun him.

"You can..." he petered off, his sentence hanging in lieu of rubbing his face into Kerr's chest, tipping his chin up to plant tiny pecking kisses at the crook of Kerr's neck, near his throat. He was encouraged into physical action by what he could feel hardening between them. He squirmed with an obvious agenda, encouraging more of a response.

[Existentially Odd]

"... touch you?" Kerr finished huskily, tilting his head to allow Ben access to his throat, the contact sending shivers of awareness across his skin. Ben's wriggling atop him had him hissing in breath through clenched teeth and it felt like he hadn't been touched in months with how it affected him. His cock pulsed hungrily, straining his jeans. A fierce possessiveness overcame him and he clutched at Ben's hips, fingertips digging and pressing into soft flesh, thumbs swiping roughly, curling around the jut of his bones hard enough to instantly bruise a mortal.

"... fuck you?" he whispered, dragging Ben higher so that he could get to his earlobe and bite it. He was rougher than usual, his teeth sinking into the soft flesh before he sucked, wanting to shock Ben into responding in kind. His mouth soon moved downward, finding the hollow behind Ben's ear. He swiped it with his tongue, prodding the sensitive nerves with a rubbing stud before he closed his lips around the soft hollow, creating a vacuum and sucking hard enough to mark him. Kerr aimed to draw the motherfucking angel blood Ben seemed to be so obsessed with to the surface of Ben's skin, to leave a hot and throbbing mark of his own behind.

"... share your bed?" he growled, his hands releasing Ben's hips to slide to his ass. He cupped his hands around the taut cheeks and squeezed hard, grinding Ben into him. The friction of their sudden clash delighted him in a primal way, feeding his need to claim what he'd stupidly walked away from.

[Trillian]

Ben smiled secretly into the space between Kerr's neck and shoulder, taking in breath just so he could grunt it out with need. Smooth grey denim became taut as he thickened within it, pressing uncomfortably against Kerr's leg until he writhed again, twisting hips to alleviate some of the desire to rub and touch. It wasn't enough and had him frustrated and wanting. He pulled in sharp breath when his earlobe was bitten and groaned when Kerr claimed the flesh behind his ear.

Once all three guesses were out, Ben's secret smile was given away when it widened and he breathed soft laughter. "All of them," Ben whispered, writhing in Kerr's hold.

He hadn't intended on having sex upon coming home. He'd wanted a clear head to chat and then not to muddy the conversation with physical contact, so that their coming together would be based on intellectual agreement, not lust-filled sexual desire. Now that he was here, he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to stop.

[Existentially Odd]

Ben's admission - coupled with one of the most grandiose statements he had ever heard Ben make, that he would always take Kerr back - set Kerr's restless heart at ease. He would be fully reinstated in Ben's life; the gnawing anxiety appeased. The sire in him could stop fretting... but they'd both agreed he should be less of an overbearing sire and more a lover. It was time to make good on that.

The thought was prevalent as Ben's movements stole his attention. If he were purely a lover - like he'd picked Ben up and brought him home to fuck - he certainly wouldn't be concerned with his feelings. It would be all about teasing him, testing him, tasting him and impressing him. Kerr would only care about spoiling the delectable man, making him pant and cum and hunger so hard that he'd come back for more. He'd be out to spoil and impress, the night about the pursuit of hedonistic pleasure. It suited his mood perfectly.

Having this delectable creature writhing on him made it surprisingly easy to forget the sire and focus on the lover. He licked his lips and trailed them down Ben's throat, licking and sucking like he couldn't get enough of his taste. His nose nudged the vein at his throat as he kissed a path over Ben's Adam's apple and found the other side. He found a particularly soft and fleshy spot and sucked hard on it again, wanting to draw blood to the surface and mark Ben for the duration of their play. He was his and Kerr was out to prove it.

He'd take his time and ensure each step was thoroughly explored before moving on to the next. His heart soared with gratitude, thinking about how he'd thought he'd never get another chance to even try. How wrong he was.

A moment after that, he stopped thinking altogether.