Coming To Terms

[Trillian]

Even though Kerr spoke of official asking, it felt like he'd been proposed to and he'd given his acceptance while in bed in the middle of this conversation. Especially with Kerr feeling so elated about it. He continued smiling, grinning because Kerr's happiness was contagious, but he didn't feel the same way. He wanted to be happy about it, he really did, but he knew he would always remember the proposal as being a chat in bed.

He remembered the story of Owen's and Vincent's proposal in Greece. How it had all been set up. How Owen hadn't seen it coming. How they smiled at one another during the telling after Ben had asked how it had happened, mourning that he didn't have something like that with Kerr (but now he could). Ben was sure that Kerr would make it just as grand but now whenever they had a special romantic night together, he would wonder to himself if this was the night, or that was the night. It would be an undercurrent. Would he be disappointed each time? He hated to think he might be relieved.

"I have to get out of my head," Ben said, barely listening to Kerr's suggestions about how they would manage their open relationship. "I don't want to plan anything. I mean, maybe Gabriel and Charlie should remain as a memory just for us and getting to know either of them more might spoil it. I'm not interested in anyone else right now," he said.

Then he thought about Saraekiel. It would be stupid to start something with him because they might end up as District Leaders having to work together. He was already having trouble interacting with the dark angel because of his intense physical attraction to him - Ben had barely looked at him during the meeting because his words had dried up each time. Speaking against Saraekiel's idea to withhold the election had made him feel terrible even though his brain knew there was no other option.

"Can we just keep going as we are but with the knowledge that if something happens we can, um, deal with it as we like and then tell each other what's going on? And then figure out how we feel from there?"

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr opened his mouth to insist that they work it out now but he stopped before he said anything, Ben's initial words registering belatedly. I need to get out of my head. That was his fault, because he'd made this conversation into something it shouldn't have been and thrown them both off kilter. He could feel Ben's conflict. He was happy, yes, but there was more and Kerr felt like it was negative, which worried him. Was Ben already having second thoughts?

Maybe he should've not tugged on that thread in the first place, just kept his big mouth shut instead of blurting out every little thought that came into his head like it was no big deal. This was a big deal and it was just getting bigger the more Ben thought about it, which wasn't great. If he made it into too big a deal, he might talk himself out of that yes. That was a devastating thought. He needed to listen to Ben and just slow down.

"Okay," he exhaled, willing himself into calmness and being present in this moment, appreciating it for what it was. "Okay," he said again, reflexively, because it felt like the first one was for Ben but this one was for him. The open relationship thing was no longer the takeaway from this conversation. He'd blindsided them both with something far more important, meaning the rest of it was just fine working itself out when it happened. Frankly, he wasn't interested in anyone but Ben forever, in this moment. He couldn't imagine the necessity of talking about rules with other people coming up ever again.

Kerr simply held Ben for a moment, his lips pressed to his love's head. "Shall we shower?" he asked after a time, wondering whether the quiet was what Ben needed to settle himself or whether action would serve that purpose better. He would accommodate, either way, the guilt of sort-of-ruining, sort-of-launching their evening keeping him humble (at last).

[Trillian]

"Yeah," Ben said, his grin returning and thoughts of proposals, other people and guidelines leaving his head as he focussed only on Kerr. It was suddenly freeing to be able to talk to his sire and not be accused of anything, uplifting to think that now they could communicate without the other imagining about what wasn't being said. He knew himself, that he would instinctively and initially assume all the things Kerr wasn't saying (and he'd even done that now, with the proposal, imagining the worst). It was his responsibility not to let it overtake him. "I'm sticky," he said with glee, absurdly proud of that.

[Existentially Odd]

"My fault," Kerr sniggered without even the slightest sense of remorse. He picked Ben up and carried him into the bathroom, nipping and kissing at his throat, scraping fangs in an effort to raise goosebumps across Ben's skin. He wanted to hear him laugh and to laugh with him, to express the joy he truly felt and he couldn't help but tease and grope and prod and bite as he turned on both shower heads and waited for the water to warm up.

Once they were under the spray, he considered his shower to be too far away from Ben's, so he angled it towards his end of the stall as far as he could and stayed close by. They conversed about nothing in particular - water temperature and soap and needing the shampoo and conditioner (or not) - and Kerr used any excuse he could to put his hands on Ben, washing him, caressing him, pushing him up against the wall in order to kiss him and indulge in his lovely slipperiness.

The shower became steamier and far less about getting clean before too long and then they had to wash again before they finally got out. When they eventually parted on their way out to the bedroom to get dressed, Kerr happened to notice the light on his phone dim and veered towards it instead of going into the wardrobe. He sat on the side of the bed and looked at it, reading a text he'd received a few minutes before. From Jake. Requesting a meeting. He frowned, unsure he wanted to bring that up right now. He put the phone down without answering immediately.

He followed Ben into the wardrobe, gnawing on his tongue stud and frowning. He cleared his throat as he stepped into his underwear. "I just got a text from Jake, asking me on a date, I guess? I dunno what it is. He suggested we try brunch at Echelon sometime soon." He wasn't sure what he thought about it, though his instinct was that he wanted to go.

[Trillian]

"Brunch?" Ben said, thinking of the daytime version between breakfast and lunch. Then he thought about the amethyst ring and soured. He jealously wished he'd kept that to himself but he'd decided to be the bigger man and share the information - mostly because Sabrina was involved. He'd guarded the rest of the journal though, only sending through relevant pages and keeping the rest to himself. But, he knew the other vampire would be able to go out during the day if he ever decided to wear it. It would make him vulnerable to the daytime supernaturals though, so maybe he wouldn't risk it. Jake wasn't a popular guy.

"Actually, that's my one and only rule," Ben said, turning to face Kerr. "I know I said I wouldn't make any guidelines beforehand but... I can't face the idea of you being with him."

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr frowned, wondering if he was interpreting Ben's instruction accurately or not.

"You mean... I'm not allowed to meet him for brunch? Or you think I'm planning to fuck him?" he squeaked, startled by the notion. A brunch date that ended with he and Jake in bed together would certainly be a fucking rapid escalation.

[Trillian]

Ben laughed at Kerr's reaction. "If he ever makes another move on you, I mean." His laughter died away to the odd giggle.

[Existentially Odd]

"Ohhh, that's right," Kerr laughed, a faraway look entering his eye as he negligently adjusted himself inside his boxer briefs. He'd forgotten about the time Jake kissed him. Once he was done, he rested his hands on his hips, grinning at Ben.

"I kinda do owe him a kiss, don't I?" A glance at Ben's face only made him smile wider and he walked over to wrap his arms about Ben's waist. "I'm joking," he relented, giving his love a squeeze. "I get it. Jake's on my banned list. Never to be fucked - assuming I would ever be thus inclined, which I'm not. But I'm okay to meet him for brunch, right?"

His expression was entirely serious now. If Ben didn't want him seeing Jake socially he wouldn't but he'd want to know why.

[Trillian]

"Of course. We mentioned last night that his friendship with you is worthwhile." Ben was happy to use Kerr's acceptance of Jake for his benefit but he wasn't going to pretend it meant anything else to him. "You can see whoever you like. I mean, I don't want to put a leash on you. I don't own you. Even if, I mean when, we're um... married," he said the word with a level of amusement and peculiarity.

It was such a weird word.

[Existentially Odd]

"I like the sound of that," Kerr sighed, his soul fluttering at the word coming out of Ben's mouth. It made him love him even more and he'd been convinced that wasn't possible. He was swayed away from making a joke about liking Ben using a leash on him to something far more serious, brushing his face tenderly.

"Do you... have any expectations in that area? Are you... wanting to wait or would it worry you if we did something quick and simple before the election? Big party, small gathering, specific dress code, matching rings, want to design your own or pick one from a store... any preferences or too soon to think about?" he asked stiltedly, unsure Ben was ready to discuss this yet but he'd been encouraged by his fiancé's acknowledgement and he was excited to talk about it.

[Trillian]

Ben went wide-eyed again, this time with a fixed smile on his lips as Kerr listed off all the things he might want to do. "Um, yeah, a little soon. Let me process it first." He turned his head to plant a kiss on Kerr's palm and his smile broadened. "I do have one thing to ask. You can propose whenever you like, but I would like the planning and such to take place after the election. If it doesn't go my way, I'll have something else to throw myself into, something positive. And if it does go my way, we'll probably end up figuring out what we can manage then. Okay?" he asked hopefully.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr chuckled, wrapping Ben in an ostentatious hug and squeezing him happily, swaying him playfully from side to side. "You're precious. I love you so much. And that's fine. It's all tabled for later," he promised, pulling back and drawing a cross over his heart.

Deciding he should put some pants on, he released Ben and wandered across the wardrobe to get some."You know, you can propose, if you want," he added casually. "I don't have a monopoly on it, just because I'm older. I'm quite open to being leashed," he teased with a wink.

[Trillian]

Ben, who'd been considering switching it around in order to surprise Kerr with and take away from this unfortunate semi-proposal that had come during their chat about opening their relationship up. He supposed it was a natural progression, but it was far from romantic.

"No, I'll leave it up to you," he lied.

[Existentially Odd]

Kerr laughed good-naturedly as he dressed in a pair of dark trousers, shiny black shoes and a tailored dark purple business shirt. They were fairly certain they were going to see Charon tonight at some point and he didn't want to be found slopping around in a pair of ratty jeans (though it was his preferred outfit choice). Charon intimidated him at the best of times and the scent of a business-type discussion only added to the vampire's impressiveness.

He briefly wondered if Jeanne would be present and whether she'd figure out he and Ben had been discussing openness in their relationship. At her age, reading his thoughts was rather easy and he wouldn't put it past her to snoop. She'd already propositioned Kerr when there was no chance, if she got a whiff that he could be available to sleep with her if he wanted to be, he anticipated she might pursue him more aggressively. He was intimidated by that thought, too.

Once he was dressed, he returned to his phone. He replied to Jake's text by saying, Brunch sounds fun, I'm in. When were you thinking? I can be free any night after tonight. After that, he went through his list of things to do, following Ben into the kitchen and chatting with him about everything while he heated up some blood. There were stall bookings and food vendors for their upcoming community event to confirm, as well as the creation of all the free goodies that would be given out on the night - rulers and magnetised shopping list notepads and photo keyrings all featuring Ben's face and slogan to go into the sample bags. He needed to re-order cups with Ben's face on them as well, and check up on how the balloons were coming along. His list of things to do was very long and Kerr noted he also had some new Sweets to interview and welcome to the building before anything else, so he left Ben with a kiss and headed down to attend to that.

He and Ben were in their offices when they received a message from Charon, around half past eleven. Kerr was typing up some notes on the new Sweets when a message was pressed ever so eloquently into his mind.

I am leaving Penbrook now. I shall be with you around midnight.

The voice was so clear, Kerr flinched and spun to look at the couch in his office. There was no-one there. He tried to follow the thought but it evaporated like so much smoke on the wind, leaving him thoroughly discomforted. He hastened next door to Ben's office, ignoring his PA and bursting through the door without knocking. "Holy shit, was that Charon? Did you just get a message from him? That he'll be here in half an hour?" he asked Ben, one hand still holding onto the doorjamb, his eyes wide.

[Trillian]

Ben had received the message as well and was staring at Academy student lists when Kerr entered in a frenzy. At first he wondered if Charon had given Kerr a different message before he was told it was much the same, and then he remembered the first time he'd received notice in such a way. It was an extraordinary display of power.

"Oh, yeah," he said, sitting back in his chair and nodding at Kerr. "It's amazing, isn't it? I bet he doesn't even realise what a big deal that is."