Oh, the urge to simply agree was strong. It would be so much easier to simply say, "Yes, Ben, after that, we got together and we lived happily ever after - until you got the urge to go slice and dice some folks, of course. Then it all fell apart." But he couldn\'t and it really sucked; again, his shoulders slumped defeatedly, despite lifting somewhat through the discussing of some slightly more upbeat things.
"No," he shook his head sadly, getting up because the urge to pace was too strong to deny. It wasn\'t a rapid striding back and forth in front of his fledgling, though, it was a slow and thoughtful stepping whereby he curled his toes into the sand on each of the three steps he took to walk the length of the bench, before he dawdled around and scrunched his way back, hands in his pockets and deep in thought. "It just got messier," he admitted, deciding to see how much he could get through without looking up at Ben to distract him.
"I was pressuring you to make a decision between Arles and I; you didn\'t want to. You felt obligated to him and you were still pretty mad at me for having anything to do with Sawyl in the first place, so I think part of you was holding back because you didn\'t fully trust that he and I and the twins were done with. I, on the other hand, was getting impatient and the more I saw you, the more I wanted you. I didn\'t know how good we\'d be together and, truthfully, I was getting really frustrated - sexually," he admitted, with a wry laugh that didn\'t lift his gaze from his sandpile pathway.
"I did something stupid. I went to Risk horny and I met Ichabod there. I hadn\'t seen him since the night you drank from him and I had some apologising to do because I\'d Dominated him to submit to you. He was upset because his latest fling - Lazarus, the vampire that took over the city years ago," he interrupted himself, his gaze flashing towards Ben just to check he was still listening at the dropping of such a significant name, "was ignoring him. Was, in fact, off in one of the back rooms with someone else, leaving Ichabod feeling like shit." He paused on a pivot, gnawing on his tongue stud as he thought about that night and his earlier reunion with the mortal, then his feet set off and his words followed.
"I took him home. As it happened, that was the night you\'d decided to move on with me and you walked in on Ichabod and I in bed together, right when you\'d decided it should be you and me there. You were horrified - naturally - and left, despite me going after you. It was the final straw for you. You couldn\'t see your way out of the messes we kept getting ourselves into, the fighting, the miscommunications - you decided that the love just wasn\'t worth it and you would quit." Again, he was minimally silent as he turned and began walking back, but he still didn\'t look up and he didn\'t stop talking, because he hadn\'t been interrupted.
"A few nights later you came to me and told me you were leaving, bowing out, it was over. I was devastated but you were beyond everything. You left Arles, left me and dropped out of contact with both of us. Neither of us thought it would last as long as it did, but you were a very determined man and you were lost again, to both Arles and I. I was so very sorry," he admitted forlornly, pacing and falling quiet, wondering if he would be questioned now, sort of hoping he would be, but continuing anyway.
"When Lazarus found out Ichabod had cheated on him he was furious. He went to the Oligarchy and had him made my pet, before he delivered him to my door - literally. Ichabod was hysterical, so of course I let him stay. I had nothing and he was a comfort. We didn\'t sleep together again, though," he stated and frowned a little at himself, wondering why he\'d said that. Ben hadn\'t asked, yet he\'d felt the need to justify himself... with a slight shake of his head, he went on.
"Lazarus got revenge on me by finding you. He promised to teach you to close your heart to me. You stayed with him to forget me, forget love, to learn to survive for thousands of years with your sanity intact, because you felt you were losing it, with the way you and I were tearing at each other. You moved in with Lazarus, slept with him once and began the process of distancing yourself from humanity." His voice was cold now, and at last he came to a stop, facing Ben with an impassive expression on his face, unable - even now - to communicate the full horror of what he\'d learned of Ben and Lazarus\' time together.
"One night, I found the two of you, in an alley behind Risk. You were sitting on a dumpster - studying one of your lessons, I suppose - calmly observing him fuck a corpse, a boy he\'d just drained and started raping slightly before he died. Lazarus\' survival philosophy 101: kill them, fuck them - in that order if you wish - and move on without them touching your heart. That\'s his way of staying safe. That\'s how he\'s survived two thousand years on this world; by not giving a shit." His eyelids were heavy as he observed Ben, wondering what this iteration of his fledgling thought of what that one had done.
"I fought him for you and I knocked him down hard. He\'s got no mental training to speak of. You didn\'t seem too worried by the thought of leaving him there in that alley, actually - he would\'ve stayed there until the sun came up and so would the great Ancient one, Lazarus, have perished - but I, stupidly, insisted we take him to safety. I drove the two of you back to your place, we left him in his bed and I took you back to the apartment with me. We got together after that," he explained, still standing with his hands in his pockets and watching Ben dispassionately.
"Lazarus wasn\'t happy I\'d bested him, though, and he made a short but meaningful reappearance in our lives a short while after that. He\'d invaded the Oligarchy, had killed Halen and assumed power as Luminary. Next, he came to the apartment, to our home, where he had the balls to bribe me - well, threatened me with your death if I didn\'t see the light and comply with his wishes - to become an Oligarch for Vampires." Calmly, he reached a hand up and lifted his hair away from his neck to reveal the dragon tattoo in all its glory. "And so I am."
